There are a lot of fairly sophisticated parenting techniques and ideas out there that are attracting attention. To be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won't always make you the most popular Dad, but they'll always be effective:
Rule #1 Expect A Great Deal From Your Kids
If your kids know that you expect a lot from them, they'll rise to the occasion. Everything from saying please and thank-you, to efforts in school or on the athletic field, if expectations are made clear in a loving atmosphere your kids will know that you think a lot of them. When they know this, they'll respond.
Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be the Problem When you're convinced that someone in your family is causing the problems and you're blaming them for it, realize that this problem won't get better until you accept that you're making it worse by blaming them. It may briefly feel good to blame, but it never improves anything. Loving and accepting that person will make a positive difference.
Rule #3 Know Your Child's Life IntimatelyGet to know all that you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are, etc. By showing interest, you're showing you love them. By not asking, you show that they're not that important to you.
Rule #4 Say No To Your KidsThere's an awful lot of stuff out there for kids these days...and of course they want to have it all. Kids who get almost everything they want typically don't turn out to be very happy kids. Kids learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification when they are told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but saying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and cooperative kids.
Rule #5 Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn't WorkThere are plenty of studies showing that kids who are spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking your kids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors that you are spanking them for. As a father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?
Rule #6 Treat Your Wife Extremely Well This is where your kids get their most important information about relationships between men and women. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.
Rule #7 Actions Speak Louder Than WordsMany parents spend time threatening their children when their kids aren't cooperating. But if you don't follow through on the consequences, you can threaten till the cows come home. Your children will learn to ignore the threats. They'll understand action. If certain privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation, they'll learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best to align the consequences with the action. ( If you don't clean your room in time, you won't have time for stories before bed.)
Rule #8 Really Listen to Your KidsDon't just hear their words, but learn to understand the meaning behind what they say as well. I'm picking my own clothes! might mean that your child wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect back what your child says to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you absolutely must listen to her/him.
Rule #9 Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow Older When your kids are very young, maybe they just help make their beds in the morning and keep their rooms clean. As they get older, add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family works.everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it when they're young it's more likely they'll do it when they're older. Don't reward them for things that should be expected of them.
Rule #10 Tell Your Kids They're Great All the Time It is especially important to tell them this when they're not at their best. It's easy to tell them when things are going well. Make it a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about them. This will be more meaningful than generalized praise.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
10 Mistakes Parents Make
No one said that being a parent was going to be easy. There is no full proof manual that comes along when the baby is born. I myself am still learning as I travel along this journey as a parent of three young boys.
Here is a summary of tips that I gathered from reading many different parenting books.
As a parent you should not :
[1]Give into guilt by taking upon the mistakes of the children as your own. It is okay if children make mistakes. It is only bad if they do not learn from it. It is not possible for your child not to make mistakes or be infallible as you personally are not.
[2]Striving for Perfectionism. Stop!! Don't do that you are not bringing up robots. If all your kids problems/battles are being solved by you catering to their every need they will not be able to adapt to the real world and the how to be independent and face their own battles. They will not know/learn the techniques/skills needed for survival. By aiming for perfectionism you are only placing additional unwanted stress on your child and they may resent you for it.
[3]Being Overindulgent. Do not be afraid to deprive your kids. Sometimes they have too much of a good thing to learn how to appreciate it properly. If they have everything they desired they will not know the value of ownership and how to cherish and take care of their own belongings.
[4]Failing to admit that they as parents foul up sometimes. Do admit your mistakes to you child if you commit any. It will only help to strengthen your relationship . Your child will give you plenty of changes to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to do better.
Problems and errors are inevitable; how we handle them is up to us. We can be critical of ourselves or our children, or we can see our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
[5]Shutting off the child. Irregardless of what tactic you try in an attempt to guide your child, make sure that you also keep the lines of communication open, be as perceptive as you can, and then trust your intuition about what's best for your son or daughter. You may be driving your child into a corner and into desperation if you do so and they may take drastic actions which you may regret bitterly afterward.
[6]Punishment will change all bad behavior. This is not true. It is only a temporary stop gap measure which does not eliminate the particular unwanted behavior. It may even reinforce other undesirable behaviors in your child. Your yelling or hitting your child as punishment will only result in him acting out the same behavior on others or even you in the future? Do you wish your child to behave so aggressively towards you like you were towards him?
[7]Constantly nag at your child. It will only cause them to turn a deaf ear and make you more frustrated with them. 50 time - " I told you to put your clothes into the laundry hamper" does not equate to the child doing what you wish him to do. I'm sure you hated when your spouse or parent nagged at you to do things which you didn't find the need or didn't want to.
[8]Believe that by explaining to your child why a behavior is wrong he would automatically stop it and not commit the same mistake again. Explanation without modeling the correct behavior is useless. It will be the same as sitting through a boring science lecture which you have no interest in. You will still commit the same mistake as you haven't learn the theory and done the practice associated with it.
[9]Having the belief that praising a child too much is bad for him. This is a very ancient way (dictatorship) of parenting. If your praise is misguided or poorly delivered yes, it may not be effective. Be specific in how your praise your child. Praise him for a particular action IE: Playing nicely for 20 minutes with his brother instead of saying " You are being a good boy today ".
[10]Thinking that all children can fit into the same mold. Each child develops and matures at a different rate. Every one of them have their own strengths and weaknesses. It would be unfair to them to compare their development with their siblings and peers. Instead a better way would be to work on developing their strengths and help them how to overcome their weaknesses.
Are you guilty as a parent of committing any of these mistakes?
Here is a summary of tips that I gathered from reading many different parenting books.
As a parent you should not :
[1]Give into guilt by taking upon the mistakes of the children as your own. It is okay if children make mistakes. It is only bad if they do not learn from it. It is not possible for your child not to make mistakes or be infallible as you personally are not.
[2]Striving for Perfectionism. Stop!! Don't do that you are not bringing up robots. If all your kids problems/battles are being solved by you catering to their every need they will not be able to adapt to the real world and the how to be independent and face their own battles. They will not know/learn the techniques/skills needed for survival. By aiming for perfectionism you are only placing additional unwanted stress on your child and they may resent you for it.
[3]Being Overindulgent. Do not be afraid to deprive your kids. Sometimes they have too much of a good thing to learn how to appreciate it properly. If they have everything they desired they will not know the value of ownership and how to cherish and take care of their own belongings.
[4]Failing to admit that they as parents foul up sometimes. Do admit your mistakes to you child if you commit any. It will only help to strengthen your relationship . Your child will give you plenty of changes to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to do better.
Problems and errors are inevitable; how we handle them is up to us. We can be critical of ourselves or our children, or we can see our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
[5]Shutting off the child. Irregardless of what tactic you try in an attempt to guide your child, make sure that you also keep the lines of communication open, be as perceptive as you can, and then trust your intuition about what's best for your son or daughter. You may be driving your child into a corner and into desperation if you do so and they may take drastic actions which you may regret bitterly afterward.
[6]Punishment will change all bad behavior. This is not true. It is only a temporary stop gap measure which does not eliminate the particular unwanted behavior. It may even reinforce other undesirable behaviors in your child. Your yelling or hitting your child as punishment will only result in him acting out the same behavior on others or even you in the future? Do you wish your child to behave so aggressively towards you like you were towards him?
[7]Constantly nag at your child. It will only cause them to turn a deaf ear and make you more frustrated with them. 50 time - " I told you to put your clothes into the laundry hamper" does not equate to the child doing what you wish him to do. I'm sure you hated when your spouse or parent nagged at you to do things which you didn't find the need or didn't want to.
[8]Believe that by explaining to your child why a behavior is wrong he would automatically stop it and not commit the same mistake again. Explanation without modeling the correct behavior is useless. It will be the same as sitting through a boring science lecture which you have no interest in. You will still commit the same mistake as you haven't learn the theory and done the practice associated with it.
[9]Having the belief that praising a child too much is bad for him. This is a very ancient way (dictatorship) of parenting. If your praise is misguided or poorly delivered yes, it may not be effective. Be specific in how your praise your child. Praise him for a particular action IE: Playing nicely for 20 minutes with his brother instead of saying " You are being a good boy today ".
[10]Thinking that all children can fit into the same mold. Each child develops and matures at a different rate. Every one of them have their own strengths and weaknesses. It would be unfair to them to compare their development with their siblings and peers. Instead a better way would be to work on developing their strengths and help them how to overcome their weaknesses.
Are you guilty as a parent of committing any of these mistakes?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
How to Encourage Children to Read
Many studies have been carried out that look at the effects of parental involvement in their children's reading development. Results have shown that this factor is a significant and beneficial contributor to the child's reading progress in primary and secondary schools. The evidence is that young children whose parents read to them have better language development and enjoy an advantage during primary school over those children whose parents do not. Parents can set the scene for their child's involvement with books and enjoyment of reading in many ways. One of the most powerful ways of teaching a youngster to read is for parents to read themselves. Children learn by observation and imitation and as parents are the most important people in their world, seeing their mother and father get pleasure from reading books will make a strong impression on the child's mind. Another way of preparing a child for reading is to ensure he or she has a book-rich environment where books, magazines and newspapers can be seen and handled. Being able to physically interact with books is important to the child's learning process.
Book readiness should begin when the child is very young although it is never too late to start. Parents can make visits to local bookshops and libraries a favourite treat so that books become associated with pleasure in the child's mind. Enthusiasm and anticipation when preparing to go out to buy or borrow a book will indicate to the child that this is a fun activity that he or she can look forward to.
Parents can involve the child in the process of choosing a book. Some children find non-fiction books about animals and cars etc. more entertaining than fiction and they should be allowed to follow their preference if it leads to a happier reading experience. Also, many children enjoy comics where they can follow the story by looking at the pictures. Children love looking at pictures and drawings. Most books for young children contain colourful illustrations which will attract children to look inside the covers.
Many libraries have story corners where an adult - sometimes even well-known authors - read books to the children. These can be great fun if the reader is a competent storyteller and can bring the stories alive.
Reading should be presented as a normal, satisfying and important part of family life and this will go a long way to ensuring that children view reading as a pleasurable activity.
Book readiness should begin when the child is very young although it is never too late to start. Parents can make visits to local bookshops and libraries a favourite treat so that books become associated with pleasure in the child's mind. Enthusiasm and anticipation when preparing to go out to buy or borrow a book will indicate to the child that this is a fun activity that he or she can look forward to.
Parents can involve the child in the process of choosing a book. Some children find non-fiction books about animals and cars etc. more entertaining than fiction and they should be allowed to follow their preference if it leads to a happier reading experience. Also, many children enjoy comics where they can follow the story by looking at the pictures. Children love looking at pictures and drawings. Most books for young children contain colourful illustrations which will attract children to look inside the covers.
Many libraries have story corners where an adult - sometimes even well-known authors - read books to the children. These can be great fun if the reader is a competent storyteller and can bring the stories alive.
Reading should be presented as a normal, satisfying and important part of family life and this will go a long way to ensuring that children view reading as a pleasurable activity.
Friday, January 2, 2009
HELPING TEENAGERS SOLVE BEHAVORIAL PROBLEMS
When a child becomes a teenager, it will leave you as a parent feeling just as confused as they are. Usually there are major changes and some can be very hard to live with. A child is developing into an adult, and behavioral problems in teenagers begin. Here are a few tips to help you make it through this difficult time and be able to handle your teenager better.
The first thing you need to remember when you have behavioral problems in teenagers is that their hormones are changing at a faster pace than their body can keep up with. In most cases it is actually a physical problem mixed with emotional issues. The hormones are raging at this point in a person's life and there are changes going on that are purely physical. Keeping this in mind, you should make sure that all of the physical aspects of your child's life are being put in place. You want to make sure that the teen is eating properly and getting enough sleep and rest. These are the basics of life and if they are not supplied the hormones will react quite severely.
When you have behavioral problems in teenagers try to make sure they are getting enough nutrition. This is a time when a good adult multivitamin should be introduced to their diet, and you must make sure that they are drinking enough milk or having enough milk products to satisfy their calcium and magnesium levels. If their calcium and magnesium levels are down they will experience nerve problems and be more jumpy and irritable. By taking these steps you should see a major improvement in your teenager's behavior problems.
When you are handling behavioral problems in teenagers you must keep in mind that it is quite often a slow process to get anything handled. You are battling a physical as well as an emotional element, and patience must be at an all time high level. You need to be able to get through this time without hurting yourself or your child too badly by saying things that you don't really want to say. Try to keep it as calm and gentle as you can, and use as much patience as you can. If you need to find out more about behavioral problems in teenagers and some effective solutions to handling tough issues, then you should go to web and see how it can help you. There are answers that can help you get through this.
If you want further information about how to deal with a teenager and to really connect with him so that you can not only correct the misbehavior but build a relationship as well you should got to http://bestsmartparentingtips.com for more answers.
The first thing you need to remember when you have behavioral problems in teenagers is that their hormones are changing at a faster pace than their body can keep up with. In most cases it is actually a physical problem mixed with emotional issues. The hormones are raging at this point in a person's life and there are changes going on that are purely physical. Keeping this in mind, you should make sure that all of the physical aspects of your child's life are being put in place. You want to make sure that the teen is eating properly and getting enough sleep and rest. These are the basics of life and if they are not supplied the hormones will react quite severely.
When you have behavioral problems in teenagers try to make sure they are getting enough nutrition. This is a time when a good adult multivitamin should be introduced to their diet, and you must make sure that they are drinking enough milk or having enough milk products to satisfy their calcium and magnesium levels. If their calcium and magnesium levels are down they will experience nerve problems and be more jumpy and irritable. By taking these steps you should see a major improvement in your teenager's behavior problems.
When you are handling behavioral problems in teenagers you must keep in mind that it is quite often a slow process to get anything handled. You are battling a physical as well as an emotional element, and patience must be at an all time high level. You need to be able to get through this time without hurting yourself or your child too badly by saying things that you don't really want to say. Try to keep it as calm and gentle as you can, and use as much patience as you can. If you need to find out more about behavioral problems in teenagers and some effective solutions to handling tough issues, then you should go to web and see how it can help you. There are answers that can help you get through this.
If you want further information about how to deal with a teenager and to really connect with him so that you can not only correct the misbehavior but build a relationship as well you should got to http://bestsmartparentingtips.com for more answers.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way
Although everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and the uninvolved.
Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.
Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.
Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.
Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children's needs and problems and are sensitive to their children's emotions and feelings.
In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.
Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.
Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.
Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.
Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children's needs and problems and are sensitive to their children's emotions and feelings.
In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Teaching Children Respect in a Disrespectful World
Teaching children respect is very important. As a child grows older they will form many opinions about those around them and without proper teaching they will be disrespectful. Here are 7 things to consider when teaching respect.
1. Parents shape behavior. Children first learn from their parents and will follow their parent's examples. We must all evaluate the respect we show others particularly when we consider that our children are now watching us.
2. Start early. Start teaching your children respect as early as possible. The tone in your voice when you speak to your children and when you speak to your spouse must always be monitored.
3. How does your child treat others? Have your children treat their siblings and other children with respect. Try not to allow name calling, yelling and hitting. When your child does misbehave explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable and explain proper behavior.
4. Question authority? In the 1960's "Question Authority" buttons were popular. Now some people who wore those buttons may have a hard time teaching their children to be respectful towards authority figures. Teachers, parents, police etc are all in positions of authority and often times for a child it is not their place to question those in authority.
5. Being fair. You may be a parent who suffered from inequality as a child and therefore are trying to compensate in some way with your own children. This can quite easily lead to demanding and greedy children. You cannot always be fair but you can try very hard to be just.
6. 5th Commandment. "Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land." In the earlier commandments we are instructed to love the Lord and our neighbors but for our parents we are told to honor them. The Lord even makes a deal with us, in exchange for this respect...we will have a long life.
7. Respect and manners. You will be surprised at how much more respectful your children are if you also try to teach your children good manners. Well mannered children are respectful children.
Teaching children respect is so worth the effort. Think of how you feel when you are around respectful children. For me they are a joy. Sometimes my children are part of this throng and I feel momentarily like I am enjoying success.
1. Parents shape behavior. Children first learn from their parents and will follow their parent's examples. We must all evaluate the respect we show others particularly when we consider that our children are now watching us.
2. Start early. Start teaching your children respect as early as possible. The tone in your voice when you speak to your children and when you speak to your spouse must always be monitored.
3. How does your child treat others? Have your children treat their siblings and other children with respect. Try not to allow name calling, yelling and hitting. When your child does misbehave explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable and explain proper behavior.
4. Question authority? In the 1960's "Question Authority" buttons were popular. Now some people who wore those buttons may have a hard time teaching their children to be respectful towards authority figures. Teachers, parents, police etc are all in positions of authority and often times for a child it is not their place to question those in authority.
5. Being fair. You may be a parent who suffered from inequality as a child and therefore are trying to compensate in some way with your own children. This can quite easily lead to demanding and greedy children. You cannot always be fair but you can try very hard to be just.
6. 5th Commandment. "Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land." In the earlier commandments we are instructed to love the Lord and our neighbors but for our parents we are told to honor them. The Lord even makes a deal with us, in exchange for this respect...we will have a long life.
7. Respect and manners. You will be surprised at how much more respectful your children are if you also try to teach your children good manners. Well mannered children are respectful children.
Teaching children respect is so worth the effort. Think of how you feel when you are around respectful children. For me they are a joy. Sometimes my children are part of this throng and I feel momentarily like I am enjoying success.
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