Sunday, December 21, 2008

How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way

Although everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and the uninvolved.

Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.

Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.

Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.

Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children's needs and problems and are sensitive to their children's emotions and feelings.

In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Teaching Children Respect in a Disrespectful World

Teaching children respect is very important. As a child grows older they will form many opinions about those around them and without proper teaching they will be disrespectful. Here are 7 things to consider when teaching respect.
1. Parents shape behavior. Children first learn from their parents and will follow their parent's examples. We must all evaluate the respect we show others particularly when we consider that our children are now watching us.
2. Start early. Start teaching your children respect as early as possible. The tone in your voice when you speak to your children and when you speak to your spouse must always be monitored.
3. How does your child treat others? Have your children treat their siblings and other children with respect. Try not to allow name calling, yelling and hitting. When your child does misbehave explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable and explain proper behavior.
4. Question authority? In the 1960's "Question Authority" buttons were popular. Now some people who wore those buttons may have a hard time teaching their children to be respectful towards authority figures. Teachers, parents, police etc are all in positions of authority and often times for a child it is not their place to question those in authority.
5. Being fair. You may be a parent who suffered from inequality as a child and therefore are trying to compensate in some way with your own children. This can quite easily lead to demanding and greedy children. You cannot always be fair but you can try very hard to be just.
6. 5th Commandment. "Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land." In the earlier commandments we are instructed to love the Lord and our neighbors but for our parents we are told to honor them. The Lord even makes a deal with us, in exchange for this respect...we will have a long life.
7. Respect and manners. You will be surprised at how much more respectful your children are if you also try to teach your children good manners. Well mannered children are respectful children.
Teaching children respect is so worth the effort. Think of how you feel when you are around respectful children. For me they are a joy. Sometimes my children are part of this throng and I feel momentarily like I am enjoying success.

Monday, December 8, 2008

How You Can Help Your Children Form Their Own Identity

Children develop their identity by learning to know what they like about their environment, their way of dressing, their way of relating to others and the world. In order for children to develop an identity of their own, parents, the children’s earliest programmers, must sponsor this development of identity by being aware of your child’s actions and behaviors, and what those tell you about him/her.
For example if your child has a cluttered room, and has to save everything, you probably have a sentimental child that doesn’t like to part with things. If you cleaned your child’s room and threw away "the junk" that they had too much of, you might be ignoring who your child is as a person.
Children, not unlike adults, show their identity in many ways
They show it through their pictures in their room, through the friends they like to associate with, through their dress, food choices, activity choices etc. They are giving us the clues about who they are, as well as taking from us certain things they admire, and incorporating those into their identity. Many parents, due to a lack of awareness, forget to ask children important questions that can give clues to their child’s belief system, and value system, and really help them to sponsor a healthy sense of self in their child.
For example, Miriam didn’t like her daughter’s taste in clothing, because it was different than hers, and she wasn’t taught in her family to have her own identity. Every holiday she would buy her daughter what she liked, and the daughter wouldn’t wear it. Mom would be disappointed and her daughter felt guilty. Leigh, the child, read magazines that mom disapproved of. Mom would get angry that her daughter was reading the magazine. However Mom never thought to ask her daughter what she liked about the magazine. That would give a clue as to why she was reading it, Mom simply didn’t know to do this.
I asked my son the other day what he liked so much about sports, and got such clues to his personality. It was great. He liked the teamwork, the goal setting, the movement, the success. This not only tells you about sports, it tells you about the child. Emotional awareness is becoming aware of who your child is, and offering them support in growing that self into a very well formed identity that will offer them the ability to make positive choices and decisions in their lives.
To sponsor this healthy identity you need to:
Be aware of your child’s actions and behaviors and what that tells you about them.
Ask questions about why they chose a topic, or picked an outfit, or read a certain book or magazine. Ask objectively without judgment.
Give them choices about activities they would like to participate in.
Offer them food and clothes choices, within reason of course.
Compliment them on their personal style.
Listen to their ideas openly, and don’t force your ideas on them.
Offer them suggestions, without controlling their ideas and behaviors.
Make sure you know your identity, and have the confidence to let your child have theirs without criticism and judgment.
Create activities that help them identify who they are. Recently my daughters made collages. They cut out pictures of everything that symbolized them, and then reviewed each others. Then they personalized it even more and hung them over their bed.
Have them create a family party .or one with some friends. Ask them to plan it and design what they want. What kind of food, music atmosphere would they like?

The healthy identity of a child is their key to knowing and seeking what they want in life.

[written by one of my favorite authoress "Sally Sacks." She is the author of
the book: "How to raise the next President".You can reach her through
her website: www.sallysacks.com]

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Teenagers & Sex - Should You Talk About It And How

Teenagers and sex is one issue all parents have to face sooner or later. But when is the right time to raise the subject of teenagers and sex and who should do it. If you’re beginning to have concerns about your teenager and sex, here are a few pointers.
Teenagers & Sex – is Your Teen Thinking About Sex
Many of us prefer to pretend our teens are not thinking about sex, but you were a teen once yourself, and at what age did you become interested in sex?
The same questions, fascinations, fantasies and myths that you experienced, you can be sure your teen is going through the same thing.
Whether your teen is sexually active or just thinking about it, sex should not be a taboo subject in your home but something your teen can come to you and talk about if he or she needs honest advice. What is the Right Age to Talk about Sex?
There is no right age to talk about sex.
The subject of sex should be something of an ongoing conversation and if you child is old enough to ask, then generally they are old enough to know.
This does not mean you have a sexually explicit conversation with your three year old about where babies come from, it means you answer the question on his or her level of understanding knowing that as time progresses you can expand on the details as is appropriate.
When it comes to teenagers and sex there is the question of how much do they know and how much do they need to know versus what you want them to know.
In reality, there are just too many places for your teen to get information about sex including the misguided and often incorrect revelations they will pick up from their friends.
So ask yourself the question.
Would you rather your teen thinking they are unable to become pregnant on their first sexual experience, or would you prefer to make talking about teenagers and sex something that is natural for both you and your teen?
Teenagers & Sex – Things to Discuss with your Teen
The subject of teenagers and sex can be equally embarrassing for teen and parent, but it doesn’t have to be so.
The main thing is to not make a big issue of it and make it a topic that your teen feels comfortable discussing with you.
Teenagers and Sex – Things You Should Talk to Your Teen About
• Everybody’s Having Sex Except Me.
Teenage boys and girls often feel under pressure to become sexually active because they believe their friends are.
Talk to your teenager about the intimacy of a sexual relationship and the importance of sharing it with someone special, especially the first time.
• Alcohol and Drugs
Warn your teens about the dangers of alcohol and drugs. Make them aware that if they are under the influence of either it will affect their ability to think clearly making it easier for people to force them into comprising situations.
• Unprotected Sex
Make sure your teen is clear that the only guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy or getting a sexually transmitted disease is abstinence.
Impress upon your teen the importance of practicing safe sex and the need to always make use of a condom.
Your teen needs to know that having unprotected sex just once can lead to pregnancy, genital herpes, genital warts, HIV and AIDS none of which can be cured.
• What Constitutes ‘Real Sex’
Ensure that your teen knows that oral sex and anal sex is real sex and subject to the same risks as penetrative sex.
Teenagers & Sex – Talking About it and How
Teenagers and sex is not a subject you should seek to avoid but one you should discuss with your teenager and be relieved that they feel able to come to you and talk about it.
Do all you can to continually improve your teens confidence and raise their self esteem as this will be the best defense in their ability to not give in to peer pressure.
Equip your teenager with the correct information. This will empower them making it impossible for others to try an undermine them.
Your teen will have their own opinions on teenagers and sex and with the right guidance from you no one will be able to force them to become sexually active before they are ready to do so.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Teenage and the ensuring transition into adulthood is perhaps the most important time for we parents to extend our guidiance,support,and understandig to our children.As children grow older,their perceptions get more concretized and they handle issues and choices that which influences their futurewith strong grips.Fighting out almost everything with their parents.It becomes very difficult for our children,at this time to understand our roles as parents.
WHAT TEENAGERS(13 AND ABOVE)NEED FROM ADULTS
1-Teenagers really need our support and unconditional love.They also need to be challenged. Such opportunity help them to grow and channeled thir abundance enegy in the right direction.
2-Parents need to guide their teenage children in decision-making.Even though teenagers yearn for independence and even sometimes act as if they know it all,they are not fully mature.Rather than tell them what to do,help them to clarify their thoughts and feelings so they can make informed decisions.
3-Let the parent-child bond develop into a sacred frienship that will make them always enjoy comoing to you as a true friend instead of going out there to be mis-informed.
4-Give room for the wealth of experiences from the members of the extended family,and the spiritual community to help guide the teenagers.
5-Create a free climate,where teenagers feel free to share their thoughts,feelings and and actions to adults guides.This help to protect our children from developing a 'secret life',which can make us to lose them!
EXPECTATIONS:
1-Encourage teens to freely express their devotion to the divine.
2-Freedom should be directly linked to the demestration of self-discipline and responsi- bility.
3-Teenagers need to be taught sex-education.They need a sufficient understanding and cultural support inthis area.Help them make responsible choices as they mature.
4-Show teenagers respect and,in turn,encourage them to value the practical wisdom of adults.