Things Good Parents Do: Parentconsensus Blog: Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

Things Good Parents Do: Parentconsensus Blog: Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way

Although everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and the uninvolved.

Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.

Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.

Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.

Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children's needs and problems and are sensitive to their children's emotions and feelings.

In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

Teaching Children Respect in a Disrespectful World

Teaching children respect is very important. As a child grows older they will form many opinions about those around them and without proper teaching they will be disrespectful. Here are 7 things to consider when teaching respect.
1. Parents shape behavior. Children first learn from their parents and will follow their parent's examples. We must all evaluate the respect we show others particularly when we consider that our children are now watching us.
2. Start early. Start teaching your children respect as early as possible. The tone in your voice when you speak to your children and when you speak to your spouse must always be monitored.
3. How does your child treat others? Have your children treat their siblings and other children with respect. Try not to allow name calling, yelling and hitting. When your child does misbehave explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable and explain proper behavior.
4. Question authority? In the 1960's "Question Authority" buttons were popular. Now some people who wore those buttons may have a hard time teaching their children to be respectful towards authority figures. Teachers, parents, police etc are all in positions of authority and often times for a child it is not their place to question those in authority.
5. Being fair. You may be a parent who suffered from inequality as a child and therefore are trying to compensate in some way with your own children. This can quite easily lead to demanding and greedy children. You cannot always be fair but you can try very hard to be just.
6. 5th Commandment. "Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land." In the earlier commandments we are instructed to love the Lord and our neighbors but for our parents we are told to honor them. The Lord even makes a deal with us, in exchange for this respect...we will have a long life.
7. Respect and manners. You will be surprised at how much more respectful your children are if you also try to teach your children good manners. Well mannered children are respectful children.
Teaching children respect is so worth the effort. Think of how you feel when you are around respectful children. For me they are a joy. Sometimes my children are part of this throng and I feel momentarily like I am enjoying success.

How You Can Help Your Children Form Their Own Identity

Children develop their identity by learning to know what they like about their environment, their way of dressing, their way of relating to others and the world. In order for children to develop an identity of their own, parents, the children’s earliest programmers, must sponsor this development of identity by being aware of your child’s actions and behaviors, and what those tell you about him/her.
For example if your child has a cluttered room, and has to save everything, you probably have a sentimental child that doesn’t like to part with things. If you cleaned your child’s room and threw away "the junk" that they had too much of, you might be ignoring who your child is as a person.
Children, not unlike adults, show their identity in many ways
They show it through their pictures in their room, through the friends they like to associate with, through their dress, food choices, activity choices etc. They are giving us the clues about who they are, as well as taking from us certain things they admire, and incorporating those into their identity. Many parents, due to a lack of awareness, forget to ask children important questions that can give clues to their child’s belief system, and value system, and really help them to sponsor a healthy sense of self in their child.
For example, Miriam didn’t like her daughter’s taste in clothing, because it was different than hers, and she wasn’t taught in her family to have her own identity. Every holiday she would buy her daughter what she liked, and the daughter wouldn’t wear it. Mom would be disappointed and her daughter felt guilty. Leigh, the child, read magazines that mom disapproved of. Mom would get angry that her daughter was reading the magazine. However Mom never thought to ask her daughter what she liked about the magazine. That would give a clue as to why she was reading it, Mom simply didn’t know to do this.
I asked my son the other day what he liked so much about sports, and got such clues to his personality. It was great. He liked the teamwork, the goal setting, the movement, the success. This not only tells you about sports, it tells you about the child. Emotional awareness is becoming aware of who your child is, and offering them support in growing that self into a very well formed identity that will offer them the ability to make positive choices and decisions in their lives.
To sponsor this healthy identity you need to:
Be aware of your child’s actions and behaviors and what that tells you about them.
Ask questions about why they chose a topic, or picked an outfit, or read a certain book or magazine. Ask objectively without judgment.
Give them choices about activities they would like to participate in.
Offer them food and clothes choices, within reason of course.
Compliment them on their personal style.
Listen to their ideas openly, and don’t force your ideas on them.
Offer them suggestions, without controlling their ideas and behaviors.
Make sure you know your identity, and have the confidence to let your child have theirs without criticism and judgment.
Create activities that help them identify who they are. Recently my daughters made collages. They cut out pictures of everything that symbolized them, and then reviewed each others. Then they personalized it even more and hung them over their bed.
Have them create a family party .or one with some friends. Ask them to plan it and design what they want. What kind of food, music atmosphere would they like?

The healthy identity of a child is their key to knowing and seeking what they want in life.

[written by one of my favorite authoress "Sally Sacks." She is the author of
the book: "How to raise the next President".You can reach her through
her website: www.sallysacks.com]

Teenagers & Sex - Should You Talk About It And How

Teenagers and sex is one issue all parents have to face sooner or later. But when is the right time to raise the subject of teenagers and sex and who should do it. If you’re beginning to have concerns about your teenager and sex, here are a few pointers.
Teenagers & Sex – is Your Teen Thinking About Sex
Many of us prefer to pretend our teens are not thinking about sex, but you were a teen once yourself, and at what age did you become interested in sex?
The same questions, fascinations, fantasies and myths that you experienced, you can be sure your teen is going through the same thing.
Whether your teen is sexually active or just thinking about it, sex should not be a taboo subject in your home but something your teen can come to you and talk about if he or she needs honest advice. What is the Right Age to Talk about Sex?
There is no right age to talk about sex.
The subject of sex should be something of an ongoing conversation and if you child is old enough to ask, then generally they are old enough to know.
This does not mean you have a sexually explicit conversation with your three year old about where babies come from, it means you answer the question on his or her level of understanding knowing that as time progresses you can expand on the details as is appropriate.
When it comes to teenagers and sex there is the question of how much do they know and how much do they need to know versus what you want them to know.
In reality, there are just too many places for your teen to get information about sex including the misguided and often incorrect revelations they will pick up from their friends.
So ask yourself the question.
Would you rather your teen thinking they are unable to become pregnant on their first sexual experience, or would you prefer to make talking about teenagers and sex something that is natural for both you and your teen?
Teenagers & Sex – Things to Discuss with your Teen
The subject of teenagers and sex can be equally embarrassing for teen and parent, but it doesn’t have to be so.
The main thing is to not make a big issue of it and make it a topic that your teen feels comfortable discussing with you.
Teenagers and Sex – Things You Should Talk to Your Teen About
• Everybody’s Having Sex Except Me.
Teenage boys and girls often feel under pressure to become sexually active because they believe their friends are.
Talk to your teenager about the intimacy of a sexual relationship and the importance of sharing it with someone special, especially the first time.
• Alcohol and Drugs
Warn your teens about the dangers of alcohol and drugs. Make them aware that if they are under the influence of either it will affect their ability to think clearly making it easier for people to force them into comprising situations.
• Unprotected Sex
Make sure your teen is clear that the only guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy or getting a sexually transmitted disease is abstinence.
Impress upon your teen the importance of practicing safe sex and the need to always make use of a condom.
Your teen needs to know that having unprotected sex just once can lead to pregnancy, genital herpes, genital warts, HIV and AIDS none of which can be cured.
• What Constitutes ‘Real Sex’
Ensure that your teen knows that oral sex and anal sex is real sex and subject to the same risks as penetrative sex.
Teenagers & Sex – Talking About it and How
Teenagers and sex is not a subject you should seek to avoid but one you should discuss with your teenager and be relieved that they feel able to come to you and talk about it.
Do all you can to continually improve your teens confidence and raise their self esteem as this will be the best defense in their ability to not give in to peer pressure.
Equip your teenager with the correct information. This will empower them making it impossible for others to try an undermine them.
Your teen will have their own opinions on teenagers and sex and with the right guidance from you no one will be able to force them to become sexually active before they are ready to do so.

UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Teenage and the ensuring transition into adulthood is perhaps the most important time for we parents to extend our guidiance,support,and understandig to our children.As children grow older,their perceptions get more concretized and they handle issues and choices that which influences their futurewith strong grips.Fighting out almost everything with their parents.It becomes very difficult for our children,at this time to understand our roles as parents.
WHAT TEENAGERS(13 AND ABOVE)NEED FROM ADULTS
1-Teenagers really need our support and unconditional love.They also need to be challenged. Such opportunity help them to grow and channeled thir abundance enegy in the right direction.
2-Parents need to guide their teenage children in decision-making.Even though teenagers yearn for independence and even sometimes act as if they know it all,they are not fully mature.Rather than tell them what to do,help them to clarify their thoughts and feelings so they can make informed decisions.
3-Let the parent-child bond develop into a sacred frienship that will make them always enjoy comoing to you as a true friend instead of going out there to be mis-informed.
4-Give room for the wealth of experiences from the members of the extended family,and the spiritual community to help guide the teenagers.
5-Create a free climate,where teenagers feel free to share their thoughts,feelings and and actions to adults guides.This help to protect our children from developing a 'secret life',which can make us to lose them!
EXPECTATIONS:
1-Encourage teens to freely express their devotion to the divine.
2-Freedom should be directly linked to the demestration of self-discipline and responsi- bility.
3-Teenagers need to be taught sex-education.They need a sufficient understanding and cultural support inthis area.Help them make responsible choices as they mature.
4-Show teenagers respect and,in turn,encourage them to value the practical wisdom of adults.

How Children Learn

Nurture and Teach
The single most important thing caregivers can do for a child is provide a nurturing environment. By doing this, we influence children’s brain development and their ability to learn. Introducing nurtured children to learning opportunities every day will help them become happy, well-adjusted adults. In all stages of child development, each experience builds on the one before it. The most basic foundations can serve as the basis for the comprehension of more complex ideas in future years.
Learning Begins at Birth
We are born with billions of brain cells – in fact, all we will ever have. What is missing is a large amount of connections – synapses – between those brain cells. Synapses start developing based on a child’s experiences. Children’s brains develop faster from birth to age three than any other time; and more learning takes place during this time than any other. The more learning opportunities parents provide for their children from birth until school age, the more synapses are made. The connections will serve as a pool of knowledge for a child to access in later years.
Because children’s earliest experiences affect how they will think, learn and behave, helping children learn from birth to school age is a crucial activity. Parents and other caregivers can create a strong foundation for learning by providing a nurturing and rich learning environment from the very beginning.
Children Seek Learning Experiences
Not only do children need to be physically active, it is their nature to look for opportunities to learn. They participate in learning by using their senses and asking countless questions in order to more fully understand the task at hand.
Creating a Learning Environment
Children enjoy learning when they can master an activity. Begin with a simple task and expand or complicate it after your child has enjoyed some successes.
Create a safe and secure learning environment. This will help children do their best learning rather than distract them. Key to creating this environment is treating your child with respect and caring.
Where Do Children Learn?
Children learn everywhere from school to the doctor’s office to the grocery store. As do adults, children learn from interacting with others and watching their parents’ behavior. Kids are highly influenced by the people in their lives, especially adults who they are close to.
Not All Children Learn in the Same Way
In the book Frame of Mind, Howard Gardner described his theory of multiple intelligences. We all have a certain way we prefer to learn. The seven multiple intelligences Gardner points to are interpersonal, intrapersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, logical-mathematical and linguistic. We have the most success teaching our children when we can recognize their style of learning (as well as our style of teaching) and incorporate activities accordingly.
Playing and Learning
The main way children collect and process information is through play. Play is the repetition that reinforces old skills and encourages new ones. Because play is enjoyable, children’s minds are open. Children are capable of much learning through play because they are very receptive and relaxed. Take advantage of this benefit and select activities that are fun and educational. Your children will learn, and you will both enjoy the experience.

Children And TV

I must say all children grew up watching TV, myself included. It's a utility which everyone cannot live without. It has been for generations and yet TV easily emerges as a indispensable form of entertainment. Of cause, the Internet is fast catching up. Let us look at the positive effects and the negative effects of TV and how it can benefit or affect our children.
Benefits:

• The children can be exposed to positive content and be enriched with programs such as documentaries, educational variety shows and cartoons. Hey, I grew up watching Sesame Street, Discovery Channel and Transformers!

• Spending quality time together. Well, I remembered the days when my parents would watch the telly with me, and we will have endless laughter together. And I being the curious child, never fail to ask endless streams of questions. The bonding with the child will no doubt be better.
Drawbacks:
• Couch potato syndrome. Addiction to TV may cause the child to be withdrawn from the rest of the world, excessive eating while viewing programs can cause obesity problems.

• Emotional development. A child really needs to do more things than just watching TV. He needs constant interaction with the outside world and other kids. It is part and parcel of his development and bear that in mind, there is no substitute to that.

• Eyesight problems. Increasingly, many children these days are getting myopic. It's hard to deny that TV isn't one of the contributing factors.

• Violence. As we all know, children love to imitate. The imitations can range from wanting to fly like superman, acting like John Rambo and giving an uppercut like a Thai kick boxer. I was in that stage once, so I know. It's a fact and we have many case studies of violence by teens in recent years.

• Proper use of language. There was one point of time, the local sitcom Phua Chu Kang got so popular that children start using phrases like "Don't pray pray", and "I look you no up". It got into such frenzy that we had a Speak Good English Campaign, remember?

Of cause, it is about weighing the pros and cons. Some suggested methods include: 1. Limiting the viewing hours for your child. I was limited to 30mins a day during my time, but that was ages ago. I believe parents can do their estimation with their kids. 2. Allow selective viewing of TV programs. Family orientated sitcoms, cartoons and educational programs definitely. More exertion of control regarding programs rating PG. 3. Ban eating while watching TV. I was inculcated with this habit. My mum always say eat only when you are at the dining table, not in front of the TV. I thought that was pretty useful. 4. View TV shows with your kids. In addition, try not to let them have the luxury of a TV in their bedroom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D64CRnVNkZ0
Justine Lee contributes to articles as part of the committee of a parenting website founded in Singapore. She writes for http://www.mylittlesunshine.sg/ on a regular basis and likes to share her parenting experiences with other online readers. She is happily married to her husband Jason and have a boy who is eight years old.

HELPING A CHILD TO STOP LYING

Children under the age of 6 often tell lies.They find it difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy.Lying to them at this age may be seen as fun,or a way to deceive adults.When they get away without being caught,they feel very happy,and it may easily become apart of them to lie.
As they grow,this may become a problem in the child's life.
Parents needs to find out a way of putting a stop to this.

Why do Children lie?

• TO SEEK ATTENTION
• NEED HELP
• AVOIDING STRESSFUL SITUATION
• FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING THEIR PARENTS
• IMITATING ADULTS AROUND THEM

HELP FOR A LYING CHILD

When a child is always caught lying:He is fond of exaggerating,or he is always fond of distorting the truth in one way or the other.just as highlighted above,they do that for so many reasons.

.TO GAIN ATTENTION:Children sometimes lie to gain attention.When they feel unloved they tend to tell lies to gain the attention of their listeners.They have learnt over the time that when they distort the truth they get some attention;this sometimes compensate for their feelings of inadequacies.

AVOIDING STRESSFUL SITUATION:Sometimes children lie to avoid the consequences that they believe will happen when they do something wrong,or to avoid being reprimanded.They lie to get out of trouble.

TO DODGE RESPONSIBILITY:Some children lie to avoid tasks.They may lie about their homework.They tell parents it's done in order to,may be watch television,play games,or do any other pleasurable thing to them.They don't like being caught when they misbehave,so they lie as a way of escape.

Lying can make children do many other bad things,like stealing,diobedient.e.t.c.

Parents and caregivers need to carefully study their children,and find out why they lie.When this is done,the close thing is to help them get out of it.

WAY OUT!

• Don't accept excuse for lying.let them know point blank that LYING is not acceptable.
• Logical consequences need to be in place for a child caught lying.
• Be a good example and model to them,avoid little white lies.
• Teach children to value telling the truth at all time,no matter what the consequence may be.
• Show your disappointment when they lie.Also show them you love them,but you hate their habit of lying.
• Sing their praise whenever they say the truth!
• Let them know you CARE.

Parents need to be a bit patient with them at this point,knowing fully well that 'Rome was not built in a day!'.It may take a little time for them to unlearn the lying habit.Be understanding,and ready to go miles helping them.

You should avoid taking irrational decision when they lie.No need for a long sermon,but with love,patience,and understanding Correct them!

PEER PRESSURE

HELPING TEENAGERS TO HANDLE PEER PRESSURE

Peer pressure is not a strange thing.We all are influenced by our peers,both positively and negatively.
It helps to define who we are,and how we feel about life matters.It is how we choose to react to peer pressure that defines who we are as an individual.
Peer pressure is also a normal aspect of our teens life,as well as parents life.what we parents need to do is to take up the challenge,to stand against the negative peer pressure that can mar our children,and encourage the positive ones that can make them!

Why do teens give in to peer pressure?
There is no difference between teens and adults.They are influenced by their peer group just like adults.It is a normal thing,and they get this from adults around them almost everyday.
Everyone conforms to social standards set by peer groups,and our teens see this in us.
Therefore teenagers will tend to follow their peers behaviour that are considered not appropriate.
Another reason is that, in other for them not to lose their" so called"friends,they prefer to follow them to any length, rather than following their parents' advice.
They also believe in the 'everyone is doing it' idea.This can make them comply to pressure.
Curiosity also make teens to take risks without thinking of the eventual outcome of such,which may cause a future damage to their lives.
All these together make teens easily give in to peer pressure.
What parents should know
Peer pressure is a powerful force and not just a phrase.It can lead teens into changing the color of their hair,piercing their body,smoking,drinking,taking hard drugs,getting involved in illicit sex,and just to mention a few.Many adults do not realize the effect of peer pressure!
Parents make the mistake of believing our children do not value their opinion,but research shows that parents have a tremendous influence on their children,especially teens.This misconception make parents to relax and not taking effort to counter the negative effect of peer pressure in their children.
"What parents can do to help their teens"

1-Parents need to teach teens how to refuse offers for cigarettes,alcohol,illicit sex,and drugs.Let them know that what they say to offers goes a long way.They should be able to say words like 'no thank you',i think i have to go now'.....

2-Parents needs to talk to their children on how to avoid other children who break rules at home,and situations they know is undesirable.They should be mindful of the environment they stay in,and friends that they keep.Let them know that if they don't stay around those who have negative attitude,it is far less likely for them to behave such.And if they don't choose friends that smoke,steal,do drugs,drink,they are far less likely to do these things as well.

3-Parents should teach their children how to confide in them,and they should create such rooms for their children to be able to talk- things- out with them.They should be made to realize that it is right to seek the advice of their parents,or any trusted adults when they find it difficult to avoid difficult situations such as offers to smoke,drink or use drugs.

4-Parents need to NURTURE strong self-esteem in their children.This will help them in making decision,even if their peers feel otherwise.Self esteem helps them to follow their decisions.Parent should teach their children how to perceive themselves in positive ways,and avoid ridiculing their children when they make mistakes.

REMEMBER!

Your children will NEVER forget the values you give to them!They may not always use them,especially because of peer pressure sometimes,but these values stick with them through their adolescence age and into their young adulthood.

So do not be tired of playing your part in helping our teens in following the right parts in life.Peer pressure is an issue every parent needs to handle with all seriousness.

HOW TO HANDLE CHILDREN ARGUING AND TALKING BACK

Sometimes conversation with our children could turn into arguments.If this happens and you suddenly find yourself in a very hot argument,and you get caught in your words,you feel very bad as a parent that you overreact to your child.

Gradually this action might be endearing,but on a day to day basis it becomes something you don't like,frustrating and it affect the family.

Learning to stop this bad attitude in our children does not have to be difficult but it requires some efforts from parents.

Firstly, parents need to be ready to listen to their children completely.

Secondly,parent should be have a well spelt out rule to guide their child's attitude.

Parents should be ready to consistently stick to their guns when it comes to saying "NO" to their children.Don't say a no in a moment and change it again.Lean to be firm with your decisions expecially when you need to,no matter their whining and "making of face".

NAGGING CHILDREN

Some children will repeat a request time and again,sometimes at odd moments.No matter what the occasion the child present,and the argument that follows the request parent should not bother to repeat their answer.say what you have to say only once and don't repeat yourself again.You may even walk away or ignore the child.Don't allow his endless repetition wear you out to succumb to his wishes.

COMPLAINING CHILDREN

Some of them may not be happy with your decision and they show it to you.

They may even murmur all the way to show their disapproval through completing the task given to them.Eventually when they notice that no amount of complaining changes anything,they quit.

NOTE:

If the child becomes rude or disrespectful in his complaint,it is time to bring down the consequences of his behavior.

Dealing with his lack of compliance doesn"t have to result in argument.Perhaps the easiest way to prevent such is to have some'ground rules'.You need to take time to explain that every good debate needs rules,they will be happy to listen to you.This is best done when there is no argument,not In the midst of argument.

RULES TO BE DISCUSS:

• NO SCREAMING,YELLING,AND ABUSIVE LANGUAGE.
• VOICES REMAIN AT NORMAL LEVEL
• EVERY PERSON IS ALLOWED TO FINISH THEIR SENTENCES
• NO SARCASM.Parents can use end of discussion statement,such as:"this topic is no longer open for discussion"

Another way to stop argument is to offer other choices for a child.And if they would not want to take this,parent should remain firm on their resolution.

If you have a child that has added disrespectful back talking to his way of communication within the family,it is good to announce that such behavior will no longer be put up with.Show them a number of consequences that will follow their back talking.They should increase in seriousness.You may begin with simple loses of privileges,such as no watching of video games for the day,no use of phone,and anything else that you know will touch the child ,and will remind him that talking back is no longer a profitable business.

It is very important for these consequences to be clear to the child,and also what constitute an offense.Once this is clear to the child it is now left for you to actually follow through on these rules that you laid down.Know this that the child will like to test your resolve,so you have to be prepared!

THREE TIPS TO DEAL WITH THEM

1. Stop the conversation as soon as your child becomes respectful
2. Walk away from your child and do not allow yourself to get drown into battle of words.
3. Once you both have cooled down,it is time to mete out a previously agreed upon consequences.

If after all these you still notice a particular phrase or method of communication is out of character for your child,recognise that you have to take the pain of explaining why a certain phrase is disrespectful and why you will not permit him to use it again.

It is also very important as parents to commit our children into God's hands.God can touch their heart and change them for good.And we we as parents will have the desired peace in the family.

TOILET TRAINING

AT THE AGE OF 2YEARS AND 3 MONTHS, JOHN IS BLADDER-TRAINED.TWO PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS(ONE AT SIXTEEN MONTH AND ONE AT TWENTY MONTHS,FOUR MONTH AFTER THE BIRTH OF HIS BROTHER)WERE UNSUCCESSFUL.AT TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS MY WIFE DECIDED THAT SINCE SHE WAS READY FOR JOHN TO BE TRAINED,JOHN SHOULD BE READY TOO.THUS SHE PUT "TRAINING PANTS" ON HIM(UNDERPANTS MADE OF VERY THICK ABSORBENT COTTON)AFTER ONE WEEK OF CONSTANTLY WETTING AND CHANGING HER TRAINING PANTS,JOHN RESPONDED APPROPRIATELY TO THE"POTTY CHAIR"AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE.FROM THAT DAY FORWARD,DESPITEAN OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT,HE HAS BEENEMPTYING HIS BLADDER IN THE SOCIALLY ACCEPTRD PLACE.BOWEL TRAINING OCCURE 3 MONTHS LATER.ONE REASON FOR THE LATER ARRIVAL OF BOWEL TRAINING,WHICH IN MANY CHILDREN PRECEDE BLADDER TRAINING,ISJOHN"S TENDENCY TO CONSTIPATION,WHICH OFTEN MAKES HIM RELUCTANT TO MOVE HIS BOWEL ON CUE.
BEFORE CHILDREN CAN CONTROL THEIR ELIMINATION,THEY HAVE TO LEARN A LOT.THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF THEM-THAT THERE IS A PROPER TIME AND A PROPER PLACE TO ELIMINATE;THEY HAVE TO BE FAMILIER WITH THE FEELINGS THAT INDICATE THE NEED TO ELIMINATE:AND THEY HAVE TO LEAN THE TIGHTENING OF THESPHINCTER MUSCLE TO INHIBIT ELIMINATION AND LOSEN THEM TO PERMIT IT.
GENERALLY,THE LATER TOILET IS BEGUN,THE FASTERA CHILD LEARN.RESEARCH SHOWS THAT MOST PARENTS BEGIN THE TRAINING EARLIER,AT ABOUT 11 MONTHS,ACHIEVING SUCCESS SOME 7 MONTHS LATER.WHEN TRAINING IS BEGUN BEFORE A CHILD IS FIVE MONTHS OLD,IT USUALLY TAKES 10MONTHS TO COMPLETE;BUT WHEN BEGUN LATER THAN 20MONTHS SUCCESS COMES ONLY ABOUT 5 MONTHS OF TRAINING.
THE PARENTS WHO SCOLDED AND PUNISHED THERE CHILDREN A GREAT DEAL DURUNG THE PROCESS DID NOT COMPLETE THE TRAINING ANY SOONER THAN THE OTHER EASY GOING PARENT'SBUT OFTEN PRODUCED EMOTIONAL UPSET IN THEIR CHILDREN.
OTHER STUDIES SHOWS THAT GIRL'S BECAME DRY-BOTH DURING THE DAY AND THE NIGHT THAN BOYS DURING THEIR FIRST TWO YEARS OF LIFE,DUE TO THEIR EARLIER MATURATION!

NUTURING CHILDREN'S NATURAL LOVE OF LEARNING

The main element in successful unschooling is trust. We trust our children to know when they are ready to learn and what they are interested in learning. We trust them to know how to go about learning. Parents commonly take this view of learning during the child's first two years, when he is learning to stand, walk, talk, and to perform many other important and difficult things, with little help from anyone. No one worries that a baby will be too lazy, uncooperative, or unmotivated to learn these things; it is simply assumed that every baby is born wanting to learn the things he needs to know in order to understand and to participate in the world around him. These one- and two-year-old experts teach us several principles of learning:
Children are naturally curious and have a built-in desire to learn first-hand about the world around them.
John Holt, in his book How Children Learn, describes the natural learning style of young children:
"The child is curious. He wants to make sense out of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, and do what he can see other people doing. He is open, perceptive, and experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him. He does not shut himself off from the strange, complicated world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance, and suspense. ... School is not a place that gives much time, or opportunity, or reward, for this kind of thinking and learning."1
Children know best how to go about learning something.
If left alone, children will know instinctively what method is best for them. Caring and observant parents soon learn that it is safe and appropriate to trust this knowledge. Such parents say to their baby, "Oh, that's interesting! You're learning how to crawl downstairs by facing backwards!" They do not say, "That's the wrong way." Perceptive parents are aware that there are many different ways to learn something, and they trust their children to know which ways are best for them.
Children need plentiful amounts of quiet time to think.
As John Holt noted in Teach Your Own, "Children who are good at fantasizing are better both at learning about the world and at learning to cope with its surprises and disappointment. It isn't hard to see why this should be so. In fantasy we have a way of trying out situations, to get some feel of what they might be like, or how we might feel in them, without having to risk too much. It also gives us a way of coping with bad experiences, by letting us play and replay them in our mind until they have lost much of their power to hurt, or until we can make them come out in ways that leave us feeling less defeated and foolish."2
But fantasy requires time, and time is the most endangered commodity in our lives. Fully-scheduled school hours and extracurricular activities leave little time for children to dream, to think, to invent solutions to problems, to cope with stressful experiences, or simply to fulfill the universal need for solitude and privacy.
Children are not afraid to admit ignorance and to make mistakes.
When Holt invited toddlers to play his cello, they would eagerly attempt to do so; schoolchildren and adults would invariably decline.
Unschooling children, free from the intimidation of public embarrassment and failing marks, retain their openness to new exploration. Children learn by asking questions, not by answering them. Toddlers ask many questions, and so do school children - until about grade three. By that time, many of them have learned an unfortunate fact: that in school, it can be more important for self-protection to hide one's ignorance about a subject than to learn more about it, regardless of one's curiosity.
Children take joy in the intrinsic values of whatever they are learning.
There is no need to motivate children through the use of extrinsic rewards, such as high grades or stars, which suggest to the child that the activity itself must be difficult or unpleasant; otherwise, why is a reward, which has nothing to do with the matter at hand, being offered? The wise parent says, "I think you'll enjoy this book", not "If you read this book, you'll get a cookie."
Children learn best about getting along with other people through interaction with those of all ages.
No parents would tell their baby, "You may only spend time with those children whose birthdays fall within six months of your own. Here's another two-year-old to play with."
John Taylor Gatto, New York State Teacher of the Year, contends, "It is absurd and anti-life to be part of a system that compels you to sit in confinement with people of exactly the same age and social class. That system effectively cuts you off from the immense diversity of life and the synergy of variety; indeed, it cuts you off from your own past and future...."3
A child learns best about the world through first-hand experience.
No parent would tell her toddler, "Let's put that caterpillar down and get back to your book about caterpillars." Unschoolers learn directly about the world. Our son describes unschooling as "learning by doing instead of being taught." Ironically, the most common objection about unschooling is that children are "being deprived of the real world."
Children need and deserve ample time with their family.
Gatto warns us, "Between schooling and television, all the time children have is eaten up. That's what has destroyed the American family."4 Many unschoolers feel that family cohesiveness is perhaps the most meaningful benefit of the experience. Just as I saw his first step and heard his first word, I have the honor and privilege of sharing my son's world and thoughts. Over the years, I have discovered more from him about life, learning, and love, than from any other source. The topic we seem to be learning the most about is the nature of learning itself. I sometimes wonder who learns more in unschooling families, the parents or the children!
Stress interferes with learning.
Einstein wrote, "It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion."5 When a one-year-old falls down while learning to walk, we say, "Good try! You'll catch on soon!" No caring parent would say, "Every baby your age should be walking. You'd better be walking by Friday!"
Most parents understand how difficult it is for their children to learn something when they are rushed, threatened, or given failing grades. John Holt warned that "we think badly, and even perceive badly, or not at all, when we are anxious or afraid... when we make children afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks."6
While infants and toddlers teach us many principles of learning, schools have adopted quite different principles, due to the difficulties inherent in teaching a large number of same-age children in a compulsory setting. The structure of school (required attendance, school-selected topics and books, and constant checking of the child's progress) assumes that children are not natural learners, but must be compelled to learn through the efforts of others.
Natural learners do not need such a structure. The success of self-directed learning (unschoolers regularly outperform their schooled peers on measures of academic achievement, socialization, confidence, and self-esteem) strongly suggests that structured approaches inhibit both learning and personal development. Because unschooling follows principles of natural learning, children retain the curiosity, enthusiasm, and love of learning that every child has at birth.
Unschooling, as Holt writes, is a matter of faith. "This faith is that by nature people are learning animals. Birds fly; fish swim; humans think and learn. Therefore, we do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing, or bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are learning. What we need to do - and all we need to do - is to give children as much help and guidance as they need and ask for, listen respectfully when they feel like talking, and then get out of the way. We can trust them to do the rest."

CHILDREN,GOD'S PROPERTY

GOD IS THE CREATOR OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE.HE IS OUR FATHER.HE HAS A GOOD PLAN FOR ALL HIS CHILDREN.HE CREATED THE WORLD,GAVE US EVERYTHING WE NEED TO SURVIVE IN IT.HE IS A LOVING ABD CARING FATHER WHO LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN DEARLY.
ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD,CHILDREN ARE GOD'S PROPERTY.PARENTS NEED TO NUTURE THEIR CHILDREN IN THE WAY THAT IS APPROVED OF GOD.
CHILDREN ARE LIKE BUILDINGS,THEY ARE WHAT YOU PUT IN THEM.THE FOUNDATION WE LAY IN THEM MATTERS A LOT.THERE IS THE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO BUILD IN THEM GOOD THINGS. THERE IS A NIGERIAN PROVERBS THAT SAYS:"AN UNTRAINED CHILD WILL DESTROY THE HOUSE THAT WE SPEND A FORTUNE TO BUILD,MEANING[THEY WILL GIVE US PROBLEMS WHEN THEY ARE NOT PROPERLY NUTURED,EXPECIALLY IN THE FEAR OF GOD.
PARENTS HAVE A GREAT TASK IN THERE HANDS,AND THIS IS NUTURING THESE INNOCENT CHILDREN SO THAT THEY WILL GIVE US PEACE,AND THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE.