PEER PRESSURE

HELPING TEENAGERS TO HANDLE PEER PRESSURE

Peer pressure is not a strange thing.We all are influenced by our peers,both positively and negatively.
It helps to define who we are,and how we feel about life matters.It is how we choose to react to peer pressure that defines who we are as an individual.
Peer pressure is also a normal aspect of our teens life,as well as parents life.what we parents need to do is to take up the challenge,to stand against the negative peer pressure that can mar our children,and encourage the positive ones that can make them!

Why do teens give in to peer pressure?
There is no difference between teens and adults.They are influenced by their peer group just like adults.It is a normal thing,and they get this from adults around them almost everyday.
Everyone conforms to social standards set by peer groups,and our teens see this in us.
Therefore teenagers will tend to follow their peers behaviour that are considered not appropriate.
Another reason is that, in other for them not to lose their" so called"friends,they prefer to follow them to any length, rather than following their parents' advice.
They also believe in the 'everyone is doing it' idea.This can make them comply to pressure.
Curiosity also make teens to take risks without thinking of the eventual outcome of such,which may cause a future damage to their lives.
All these together make teens easily give in to peer pressure.
What parents should know
Peer pressure is a powerful force and not just a phrase.It can lead teens into changing the color of their hair,piercing their body,smoking,drinking,taking hard drugs,getting involved in illicit sex,and just to mention a few.Many adults do not realize the effect of peer pressure!
Parents make the mistake of believing our children do not value their opinion,but research shows that parents have a tremendous influence on their children,especially teens.This misconception make parents to relax and not taking effort to counter the negative effect of peer pressure in their children.
"What parents can do to help their teens"

1-Parents need to teach teens how to refuse offers for cigarettes,alcohol,illicit sex,and drugs.Let them know that what they say to offers goes a long way.They should be able to say words like 'no thank you',i think i have to go now'.....

2-Parents needs to talk to their children on how to avoid other children who break rules at home,and situations they know is undesirable.They should be mindful of the environment they stay in,and friends that they keep.Let them know that if they don't stay around those who have negative attitude,it is far less likely for them to behave such.And if they don't choose friends that smoke,steal,do drugs,drink,they are far less likely to do these things as well.

3-Parents should teach their children how to confide in them,and they should create such rooms for their children to be able to talk- things- out with them.They should be made to realize that it is right to seek the advice of their parents,or any trusted adults when they find it difficult to avoid difficult situations such as offers to smoke,drink or use drugs.

4-Parents need to NURTURE strong self-esteem in their children.This will help them in making decision,even if their peers feel otherwise.Self esteem helps them to follow their decisions.Parent should teach their children how to perceive themselves in positive ways,and avoid ridiculing their children when they make mistakes.

REMEMBER!

Your children will NEVER forget the values you give to them!They may not always use them,especially because of peer pressure sometimes,but these values stick with them through their adolescence age and into their young adulthood.

So do not be tired of playing your part in helping our teens in following the right parts in life.Peer pressure is an issue every parent needs to handle with all seriousness.

HOW TO HANDLE CHILDREN ARGUING AND TALKING BACK

Sometimes conversation with our children could turn into arguments.If this happens and you suddenly find yourself in a very hot argument,and you get caught in your words,you feel very bad as a parent that you overreact to your child.

Gradually this action might be endearing,but on a day to day basis it becomes something you don't like,frustrating and it affect the family.

Learning to stop this bad attitude in our children does not have to be difficult but it requires some efforts from parents.

Firstly, parents need to be ready to listen to their children completely.

Secondly,parent should be have a well spelt out rule to guide their child's attitude.

Parents should be ready to consistently stick to their guns when it comes to saying "NO" to their children.Don't say a no in a moment and change it again.Lean to be firm with your decisions expecially when you need to,no matter their whining and "making of face".

NAGGING CHILDREN

Some children will repeat a request time and again,sometimes at odd moments.No matter what the occasion the child present,and the argument that follows the request parent should not bother to repeat their answer.say what you have to say only once and don't repeat yourself again.You may even walk away or ignore the child.Don't allow his endless repetition wear you out to succumb to his wishes.

COMPLAINING CHILDREN

Some of them may not be happy with your decision and they show it to you.

They may even murmur all the way to show their disapproval through completing the task given to them.Eventually when they notice that no amount of complaining changes anything,they quit.

NOTE:

If the child becomes rude or disrespectful in his complaint,it is time to bring down the consequences of his behavior.

Dealing with his lack of compliance doesn"t have to result in argument.Perhaps the easiest way to prevent such is to have some'ground rules'.You need to take time to explain that every good debate needs rules,they will be happy to listen to you.This is best done when there is no argument,not In the midst of argument.

RULES TO BE DISCUSS:

• NO SCREAMING,YELLING,AND ABUSIVE LANGUAGE.
• VOICES REMAIN AT NORMAL LEVEL
• EVERY PERSON IS ALLOWED TO FINISH THEIR SENTENCES
• NO SARCASM.Parents can use end of discussion statement,such as:"this topic is no longer open for discussion"

Another way to stop argument is to offer other choices for a child.And if they would not want to take this,parent should remain firm on their resolution.

If you have a child that has added disrespectful back talking to his way of communication within the family,it is good to announce that such behavior will no longer be put up with.Show them a number of consequences that will follow their back talking.They should increase in seriousness.You may begin with simple loses of privileges,such as no watching of video games for the day,no use of phone,and anything else that you know will touch the child ,and will remind him that talking back is no longer a profitable business.

It is very important for these consequences to be clear to the child,and also what constitute an offense.Once this is clear to the child it is now left for you to actually follow through on these rules that you laid down.Know this that the child will like to test your resolve,so you have to be prepared!

THREE TIPS TO DEAL WITH THEM

1. Stop the conversation as soon as your child becomes respectful
2. Walk away from your child and do not allow yourself to get drown into battle of words.
3. Once you both have cooled down,it is time to mete out a previously agreed upon consequences.

If after all these you still notice a particular phrase or method of communication is out of character for your child,recognise that you have to take the pain of explaining why a certain phrase is disrespectful and why you will not permit him to use it again.

It is also very important as parents to commit our children into God's hands.God can touch their heart and change them for good.And we we as parents will have the desired peace in the family.

TOILET TRAINING

AT THE AGE OF 2YEARS AND 3 MONTHS, JOHN IS BLADDER-TRAINED.TWO PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS(ONE AT SIXTEEN MONTH AND ONE AT TWENTY MONTHS,FOUR MONTH AFTER THE BIRTH OF HIS BROTHER)WERE UNSUCCESSFUL.AT TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS MY WIFE DECIDED THAT SINCE SHE WAS READY FOR JOHN TO BE TRAINED,JOHN SHOULD BE READY TOO.THUS SHE PUT "TRAINING PANTS" ON HIM(UNDERPANTS MADE OF VERY THICK ABSORBENT COTTON)AFTER ONE WEEK OF CONSTANTLY WETTING AND CHANGING HER TRAINING PANTS,JOHN RESPONDED APPROPRIATELY TO THE"POTTY CHAIR"AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE.FROM THAT DAY FORWARD,DESPITEAN OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT,HE HAS BEENEMPTYING HIS BLADDER IN THE SOCIALLY ACCEPTRD PLACE.BOWEL TRAINING OCCURE 3 MONTHS LATER.ONE REASON FOR THE LATER ARRIVAL OF BOWEL TRAINING,WHICH IN MANY CHILDREN PRECEDE BLADDER TRAINING,ISJOHN"S TENDENCY TO CONSTIPATION,WHICH OFTEN MAKES HIM RELUCTANT TO MOVE HIS BOWEL ON CUE.
BEFORE CHILDREN CAN CONTROL THEIR ELIMINATION,THEY HAVE TO LEARN A LOT.THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF THEM-THAT THERE IS A PROPER TIME AND A PROPER PLACE TO ELIMINATE;THEY HAVE TO BE FAMILIER WITH THE FEELINGS THAT INDICATE THE NEED TO ELIMINATE:AND THEY HAVE TO LEAN THE TIGHTENING OF THESPHINCTER MUSCLE TO INHIBIT ELIMINATION AND LOSEN THEM TO PERMIT IT.
GENERALLY,THE LATER TOILET IS BEGUN,THE FASTERA CHILD LEARN.RESEARCH SHOWS THAT MOST PARENTS BEGIN THE TRAINING EARLIER,AT ABOUT 11 MONTHS,ACHIEVING SUCCESS SOME 7 MONTHS LATER.WHEN TRAINING IS BEGUN BEFORE A CHILD IS FIVE MONTHS OLD,IT USUALLY TAKES 10MONTHS TO COMPLETE;BUT WHEN BEGUN LATER THAN 20MONTHS SUCCESS COMES ONLY ABOUT 5 MONTHS OF TRAINING.
THE PARENTS WHO SCOLDED AND PUNISHED THERE CHILDREN A GREAT DEAL DURUNG THE PROCESS DID NOT COMPLETE THE TRAINING ANY SOONER THAN THE OTHER EASY GOING PARENT'SBUT OFTEN PRODUCED EMOTIONAL UPSET IN THEIR CHILDREN.
OTHER STUDIES SHOWS THAT GIRL'S BECAME DRY-BOTH DURING THE DAY AND THE NIGHT THAN BOYS DURING THEIR FIRST TWO YEARS OF LIFE,DUE TO THEIR EARLIER MATURATION!

NUTURING CHILDREN'S NATURAL LOVE OF LEARNING

The main element in successful unschooling is trust. We trust our children to know when they are ready to learn and what they are interested in learning. We trust them to know how to go about learning. Parents commonly take this view of learning during the child's first two years, when he is learning to stand, walk, talk, and to perform many other important and difficult things, with little help from anyone. No one worries that a baby will be too lazy, uncooperative, or unmotivated to learn these things; it is simply assumed that every baby is born wanting to learn the things he needs to know in order to understand and to participate in the world around him. These one- and two-year-old experts teach us several principles of learning:
Children are naturally curious and have a built-in desire to learn first-hand about the world around them.
John Holt, in his book How Children Learn, describes the natural learning style of young children:
"The child is curious. He wants to make sense out of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, and do what he can see other people doing. He is open, perceptive, and experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him. He does not shut himself off from the strange, complicated world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance, and suspense. ... School is not a place that gives much time, or opportunity, or reward, for this kind of thinking and learning."1
Children know best how to go about learning something.
If left alone, children will know instinctively what method is best for them. Caring and observant parents soon learn that it is safe and appropriate to trust this knowledge. Such parents say to their baby, "Oh, that's interesting! You're learning how to crawl downstairs by facing backwards!" They do not say, "That's the wrong way." Perceptive parents are aware that there are many different ways to learn something, and they trust their children to know which ways are best for them.
Children need plentiful amounts of quiet time to think.
As John Holt noted in Teach Your Own, "Children who are good at fantasizing are better both at learning about the world and at learning to cope with its surprises and disappointment. It isn't hard to see why this should be so. In fantasy we have a way of trying out situations, to get some feel of what they might be like, or how we might feel in them, without having to risk too much. It also gives us a way of coping with bad experiences, by letting us play and replay them in our mind until they have lost much of their power to hurt, or until we can make them come out in ways that leave us feeling less defeated and foolish."2
But fantasy requires time, and time is the most endangered commodity in our lives. Fully-scheduled school hours and extracurricular activities leave little time for children to dream, to think, to invent solutions to problems, to cope with stressful experiences, or simply to fulfill the universal need for solitude and privacy.
Children are not afraid to admit ignorance and to make mistakes.
When Holt invited toddlers to play his cello, they would eagerly attempt to do so; schoolchildren and adults would invariably decline.
Unschooling children, free from the intimidation of public embarrassment and failing marks, retain their openness to new exploration. Children learn by asking questions, not by answering them. Toddlers ask many questions, and so do school children - until about grade three. By that time, many of them have learned an unfortunate fact: that in school, it can be more important for self-protection to hide one's ignorance about a subject than to learn more about it, regardless of one's curiosity.
Children take joy in the intrinsic values of whatever they are learning.
There is no need to motivate children through the use of extrinsic rewards, such as high grades or stars, which suggest to the child that the activity itself must be difficult or unpleasant; otherwise, why is a reward, which has nothing to do with the matter at hand, being offered? The wise parent says, "I think you'll enjoy this book", not "If you read this book, you'll get a cookie."
Children learn best about getting along with other people through interaction with those of all ages.
No parents would tell their baby, "You may only spend time with those children whose birthdays fall within six months of your own. Here's another two-year-old to play with."
John Taylor Gatto, New York State Teacher of the Year, contends, "It is absurd and anti-life to be part of a system that compels you to sit in confinement with people of exactly the same age and social class. That system effectively cuts you off from the immense diversity of life and the synergy of variety; indeed, it cuts you off from your own past and future...."3
A child learns best about the world through first-hand experience.
No parent would tell her toddler, "Let's put that caterpillar down and get back to your book about caterpillars." Unschoolers learn directly about the world. Our son describes unschooling as "learning by doing instead of being taught." Ironically, the most common objection about unschooling is that children are "being deprived of the real world."
Children need and deserve ample time with their family.
Gatto warns us, "Between schooling and television, all the time children have is eaten up. That's what has destroyed the American family."4 Many unschoolers feel that family cohesiveness is perhaps the most meaningful benefit of the experience. Just as I saw his first step and heard his first word, I have the honor and privilege of sharing my son's world and thoughts. Over the years, I have discovered more from him about life, learning, and love, than from any other source. The topic we seem to be learning the most about is the nature of learning itself. I sometimes wonder who learns more in unschooling families, the parents or the children!
Stress interferes with learning.
Einstein wrote, "It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion."5 When a one-year-old falls down while learning to walk, we say, "Good try! You'll catch on soon!" No caring parent would say, "Every baby your age should be walking. You'd better be walking by Friday!"
Most parents understand how difficult it is for their children to learn something when they are rushed, threatened, or given failing grades. John Holt warned that "we think badly, and even perceive badly, or not at all, when we are anxious or afraid... when we make children afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks."6
While infants and toddlers teach us many principles of learning, schools have adopted quite different principles, due to the difficulties inherent in teaching a large number of same-age children in a compulsory setting. The structure of school (required attendance, school-selected topics and books, and constant checking of the child's progress) assumes that children are not natural learners, but must be compelled to learn through the efforts of others.
Natural learners do not need such a structure. The success of self-directed learning (unschoolers regularly outperform their schooled peers on measures of academic achievement, socialization, confidence, and self-esteem) strongly suggests that structured approaches inhibit both learning and personal development. Because unschooling follows principles of natural learning, children retain the curiosity, enthusiasm, and love of learning that every child has at birth.
Unschooling, as Holt writes, is a matter of faith. "This faith is that by nature people are learning animals. Birds fly; fish swim; humans think and learn. Therefore, we do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing, or bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are learning. What we need to do - and all we need to do - is to give children as much help and guidance as they need and ask for, listen respectfully when they feel like talking, and then get out of the way. We can trust them to do the rest."

CHILDREN,GOD'S PROPERTY

GOD IS THE CREATOR OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE.HE IS OUR FATHER.HE HAS A GOOD PLAN FOR ALL HIS CHILDREN.HE CREATED THE WORLD,GAVE US EVERYTHING WE NEED TO SURVIVE IN IT.HE IS A LOVING ABD CARING FATHER WHO LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN DEARLY.
ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD,CHILDREN ARE GOD'S PROPERTY.PARENTS NEED TO NUTURE THEIR CHILDREN IN THE WAY THAT IS APPROVED OF GOD.
CHILDREN ARE LIKE BUILDINGS,THEY ARE WHAT YOU PUT IN THEM.THE FOUNDATION WE LAY IN THEM MATTERS A LOT.THERE IS THE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO BUILD IN THEM GOOD THINGS. THERE IS A NIGERIAN PROVERBS THAT SAYS:"AN UNTRAINED CHILD WILL DESTROY THE HOUSE THAT WE SPEND A FORTUNE TO BUILD,MEANING[THEY WILL GIVE US PROBLEMS WHEN THEY ARE NOT PROPERLY NUTURED,EXPECIALLY IN THE FEAR OF GOD.
PARENTS HAVE A GREAT TASK IN THERE HANDS,AND THIS IS NUTURING THESE INNOCENT CHILDREN SO THAT THEY WILL GIVE US PEACE,AND THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE.