Making Your Child Your Best Friend

Question. How do we characterize the relationship that most parents have with their children in human terms? Are they friends, acquaintances, enemies, or perhaps virtual strangers, living together in the same household? I'd suggest that we don't commonly consider children to be worthy of friendship.

It should be a reasonable question to ask why it is that so many parents feel that children are the only segment of humanity that is worthy of being generally treated in a disrespectful and demeaning manner. Perhaps part of the problem stems from parents taking advantage of the fact that kids are so quick to forgive a parent for treating them in crass, insensitive ways.... many kids even come to feel deserving of being treated as lesser beings who represent a lesser value in this world. I'd like to have a dollar for every time I've seen a parent cordially smiling at an adult, suddenly turn to snarl at their child for whatever reason, then turn back to the adult again with a warm friendly smile as if they had just suffered a Schizophrenic episodic break from reality.

We don't threaten our friends with violence to get our own way, or glare menacingly at them as a warning of impending violence as a means of intimidation. We take care not to dismiss what our friends have to say. It's very rude to do so. We don't physically punish friends to correct their undesired behavior, or to gain a measure of retribution for having offended us. And we don't hit our friends as a display of our caring, or as a means of getting them to do what we want them to do.

Some might say that, unlike the parent-child relationship, one is not responsible for the welfare of friends. I would disagree. Others might say that while children need discipline, friends do not. Not true. In establishing successful relationships we define the parameters of what behaviors are acceptable to us. In doing so, we discipline (teach) the other person as to how the relationship might succeed. For example, we verbally correct the other person when they engage in behavior that is unacceptable to us. Others yet might argue that a student-teacher relationship cannot involve friendship. Again, I would disagree. Many successful friendships involve one party taking a leadership role in the relationship.

The level of esteem (respect) in which we are willing to hold another depends on how we view that other person. If we are of a mind that the other person is not worthy of our consideration or esteem, we either avoid them, or treat them rudely. I think everyone would have to agree that kids are much more prone to being treated rudely than adults. As a matter of fact, most of us would probably be hard-put to remember the last time we heard an adult refer to a child as having been treated rudely...kids are rarely afforded such considerations.

It seems to me that parents should strive to be the best of friends with their children because parents are in a position to be the most important friend their children would ever have. In friendship, a parent serves in the role of a trusted, supportive confidant who possesses a great deal of wisdom to share and impart about the more important aspects of everyday life. It's a tragedy to me that so many parents emotionally drive their children away because they are under the misguided illusion that they at times need to treat their children as adversaries. We adults are quick to lose trust, become closed-off emotionally, and are less apt to communicate openly with a friend who would hit us, or otherwise treat us in ways that clearly indicate that they have little regard for our feelings or worth. It's certainly no different for children.

I'm defining 'friend' in the broadest sense, without stipulations or conditions...a relationship consisting of love, respect, honor, warmth, and open communication. I think it's sadly ironic that parents would choose to deny friendship to their kids in light of the fact that kids desperately need and want little more than the very friendship they are being denied.

Given the relatively recent establishment of positive discipline as a more effective means of discipline than the traditional punitive approaches, perhaps we, as a society, will begin to entertain the possibility that adults can establish genuine friendships with children. Before laughing at such a notion, we should keep in mind that just 50 years ago, many men would be quick to laugh at the notion of women being considered friends. Beyond that, men generally viewed the women of less than a century ago as being in need of a strong, guiding hand in their lives. Husbands were willing to take-on this disciplinary responsibility, just as many parents today make the claim that they have a responsibility to treat their children in a disrespectful, demeaning manner in the name of a strong, guiding hand...a position that destroys any possibility of establishing a friendly relationship in the true sense of the word. It's truly ironic that many women of today deny their children that which they were once commonly denied as a gender...that being the invaluable concept of friendship with a loved one.

Children are people too. And, as such, they are as deserving of loving friendship as the rest of us. Friendship is not a different matter when it comes to children any more than it's a different matter for any of us who come from varying worlds of perception, education, or level of development.

Keeping Your Kids Physically Active

Keeping kids more physically active in today's day and age is increasingly becoming more difficult because many forms of entertainment are televison and video games. The majority of kids don't live on farms and have to be up at dawn to work and get the much needed exercise. Children today must find creative outlets that allow to be more interested to get away from the television and video games from time to time. If children are given the proper toys and resources they will take advantage of them.

Sports are a good way to get a child active. They are one of the most common ways to get a child physically fit and they also promote social development skills. For example, depending on the age of the child, a mini basketball rim would be great way to for a youngster to get some exercise. They can call their friends over and play against one another. Soccer ball, a tee ball set, football, a goalie net, puck, and hockey stick, all these are a good source of exercise. Table tennis would be a good way to build hand eye coordination.

If the child isn't into sports there are a variety of tents and tunnels that can be placed in the back yard. These tents can serve as fort and create a world of fantasy for young children. Those who have the space jungle gyms are an excellent means of exercise because they contain many features such as swings, slides, and climbing bars. They are really an all in one child workout center.

Obviously bicycles are very common for people of all ages. If one is looking for an alternative to a bicycle a pogo stick would do the trick. Pogo sticks are intended for kids over the age of three. There are scooters, 3-wheel riders, and pedal cars which are all good ways to get those little legs moving. Hopscotch is another fun source of exercise especially for young girls.

Any physical activity will be highly beneficial to a child and can lead them on a path to a better, healthier life. While circumstances and parenting habits are different, scheduling a time for a child to be physically active may be a good idea. Who knows, a child who frequently becomes active in a particular sports mat make a career out of it. It is important to expose a child as many physical activities as possible.

Building Your Child's Mind

Toddler toys are widely used to help a child get familiar with its surrounding. It helps the child in nurturing its capabilities with the use of toys. It's great to know that we have wide variety of toys to choose from. As parents, we should be picky when it comes to choosing the right kind of toys; those that are educational and at the same time can bring a lot of fun. A toddler needs a lot of opportunity to play and explore the world around him. Try to give toys that create fun activities that would help your child to mature into his talents. Start developing your toddler's talent by knowing what it is.

Provide him toys that range creativity in many ways. Shape sorter, toddler cubes, large pieces of puzzle, wooden toys and bath toys are some of the toys that can nurture your child's talent. Books are the top most tools that can widen your child's imagination and can help you to get to know your child more.

Here are some useful tips that would help parents in nurturing their child's mind and body:

- Supply them with pop-up books, chunky board books, books with animals, books with shapes and ABC flash cards. Toddlers can get easily acquainted with them. They will surely love the books since it seems to feed their eyes with colors and lots of shapes.

- Invite other toddlers to join your baby while playing. Give them toddler toys to play with. Try to expand your child's world. For children, their mommy is the most important person in the world, though you should teach your child to get acquainted with others. Introduce your child with other faces, who can be playmates. Teach him how to make friends even in early stage. They could make lots of fun especially with a lot of child their age.

- Take your child to the park or playground. Have a little walk while you tell the things you see on the way. Tell your toddler what's this and what's that? It's a bit surprising but they actually understand what you're trying to say.

- Have a habit of reading your a book to your child before going to sleep. Bible books are great as bedtime stories. Be a good story teller by bringing the characters into life. A toddler loves to hear stories lovingly told by their moms.

- Play classical music while you put them to sleep. Your toddler will feel as if he is being rock to sleep. There are also ABC songs and mother goose rhymes that come out in CD and cassette forms. At daytime, turn on the CD while they play. You'll be surprise how your child follow the rhythms through hums and sooner, memorize the words!

Ahead start in teaching your child is the best start. A toddler's mind needs to be filled with information. To make teaching a lot more easily, try to be informal and cool. You don't need to be so serious about this matter. Teach while having fun. This is possible when you have a lot of toddler toys to choose from. Be creative and share the happiness your child experiences while they learn.

Ways To Discipline Our Kids

Disciplining children can be a nightmare but there are things we can do as parents and carers to make things easier for ourselves. I taught my kids at a young age that there are certain consequences for our actions, whether good or bad.

When our kids learn to accept certain laws and abide by them it makes discipline so much easier. These are just a few simple things that my kids have learned over the past few years:

* when I spend all my pocket money on the first day I have no money for the rest of the week
* if I am late for school I am likely to get a detention from the teacher
* if I run in the house and fall over I am likely to hurt myself
* if I don't keep my room tidy I most probably can't go out and play with my friends
* if I break someone else's toy I might have to replace it with one of my favorite toys
* if I am mean to my brother chances are he won't want to play with me very often
* if I don't take my hat to school I won't get to play on the playground at lunch time

The above examples take the pressure off having to find ways to discipline our kids. We need to learn to use consequences to our advantage as much as we can. The great thing about this is that when the consequences happen we don't need to take part and growl or do anything. Most of these are natural consequences that are a direct impact of a not so good action preceding.

There are also good consequences that follow great decisions and here are a few examples:

* if my room is tidy, mom is likely to let me go to my friend's house
* if I am always at school on time I will have a good reputation and the teachers will be happy with me
* if I save some of my pocket money I will get to spend it later on in the week

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. Parents should not allow our kids to use consequences where it is a safety issue. an example would be not to let your kid run in front of a car and let them learn by getting hit by it.

Once kids understand that this is the way that the world operates they will learn to abide by the rules and then they won't see you as the enemy or spoil sport in their lives. This is important as you want to preserve your relationship with your kids as much as possible.

At least eighty percent of our interaction with our kids needs to be positive. By ensuring this we help our kids to establish their self esteem and feel good about themselves, which we all know is vitally important.

These are just a few tips to help parents rethink their plans on disciplining kids.

Spending More Time With Your Kids

As parents, we often feel that our life is a big circus. More often then not, out kids are the clowns that bring smiles and laughter to the audience and we are the jugglers, always trying to perform tasks that prevent us from spending quality family time.

We can't get away from the housekeeping duties so why not make this task a way to involve the entire family? You will get things done and in the same time spend more time together with your children, not to mention that when you involve your kids in doing household chores they will feel useful and important. What a better way to teach appreciation for the work that needs to be done and for those who do it?

The following list provides some suggestions as to what jobs are appropriate for young children:

Two and three year old toddlers can help you pick up toys, books and magazines and put them in the proper place. Buy a small broom and they can help sweep the floor. Prepare a family meal while your little ones place napkins, plates, and silverware on the table. After dinner they can clear their own place at the table and put the dishes on the counter after cleaning the leftovers off the plate. When it's time to do laundry, let them fold washcloths and socks or help you load and unload the dryer.

Four and five year olds can help you compile a grocery list and put the groceries away on lower shelves. They can set the table and help do the dishes or fill the dishwasher. When you want to make a desert, let them hold the hand mixer to mix up a cake or they can add topping to cupcakes and ice cream. They can also spread butter on sandwiches and tear up lettuce for next day's lunch. When it's time to clean the bathroom, let them scrub the sink while you scrub the bathtub and toilet.

Six to eight year olds can be a lot of help: they can water plants and flowers, take out the garbage, peel vegetables, put white clothes in one pile and colored in another. With so much help, no wonder you've got time to walk the dog together!

Remember to take time for training and work with your kids until they learn how to do the job. It may be tempting for you to do everything, thinking it is easier and faster, but you will deprive your kids of opportunities to learn and spend quality family time. Always notice their contribution instead of the quality of work and don't forget to use a sense of humor.

How TV Affects Children

I must say all children grew up watching TV, myself included. It's a utility which everyone cannot live without. It has been for generations and yet TV easily emerges as a indispensable form of entertainment. Of cause, the Internet is fast catching up. Let us look at the positive effects and the negative effects of TV and how it can benefit or affect our children.
Benefits:

• The children can be exposed to positive content and be enriched with programs such as documentaries, educational variety shows and cartoons. Hey, I grew up watching Sesame Street, Discovery Channel and Transformers!

• Spending quality time together. Well, I remembered the days when my parents would watch the telly with me, and we will have endless laughter together. And I being the curious child, never fail to ask endless streams of questions. The bonding with the child will no doubt be better.
Drawbacks:

• Couch potato syndrome. Addiction to TV may cause the child to be withdrawn from the rest of the world, excessive eating while viewing programs can cause obesity problems.

• Emotional development. A child really needs to do more things than just watching TV. He needs constant interaction with the outside world and other kids. It is part and parcel of his development and bear that in mind, there is no substitute to that.

• Eyesight problems. Increasingly, many children these days are getting myopic. It's hard to deny that TV isn't one of the contributing factors.

• Violence. As we all know, children love to imitate. The imitations can range from wanting to fly like superman, acting like John Rambo and giving an uppercut like a Thai kick boxer. I was in that stage once, so I know. It's a fact and we have many case studies of violence by teens in recent years.

.Bad use of language.In some of the films our children watch,there is bad use of language,the use of vulgar language is common.Children tend to copy what they learnt from the TV.This affect them greatly.
Below are some suggested things parents can do to help their kids:

1.Limit their viewing hours

2.Be selective when it comes to the programmes they watch.Let them watch programs like cartoon,educational program,good comedies,and family orientated programs.

3.More exertion of control regarding programs rating PG

4.Don't allow eating while watching TV,and parents should help by giving good example here.Encourage them to eat only at the dining table.

5.Watch TV with them. Try not to put TV in your kids bedroom

How To Help Your Troubled Teen

Is your teen son or daughter driving you over the edge? You are not alone! Parents of troubled teens around the world are realizing, that because of today's stressful life, they need help dealing with a son or daughter who is making poor decisions. There is help available if you know where to look.

While it can be devastating to learn that your troubled teen has fallen into the wrong crowd or has begun to make decisions that

will destroy their lives, it is not something to be embarrassed about or to try to hide from others. It is a time to take action!

Is your girl, boy, youth or teen struggling with depression, failing in school, abusing drugs? Are they more and more defiant? Do they exhibit low self-esteem, lack of motivation or poor family relationships?

Foir example, warning signs will be obvious when your child is at risk. They may be close to dropping out of school because they regularly fail classes. They are more and more involved with violence or use of drugs or alcohol. In extreme cases, they may attempt suicide or engage in other dangerous or self-defeating behaviors. Common sense is the rule. Parents always know when behavior has gone beyond normal but many parents choose to ignore the signs because, in a sense, it means they have failed as parents. Nothing could be further from the truth.

While abusive parents certainly can be balmed for their teen acting out in negative and destructive ways, most parents are not responsible. Such bad behavior is a compilation of environment, life experience, and failed expectations. With the exception of child abuse, the reasons are numerous and not easy to uncover.

In extreme cases, some specialized services like group homes for teens may be the answer. These homes are designed to deal with troubled girls and boys. Group homes are a very new form of intervention. There are also wilderness programs for troubled teens, camps, boot camps, and teen boarding schools.

The main aim of these programs is to take troubled teens away from their normal environment and get to the bottom of the behavior and, hopefully, change it.

Christian Boarding Schools and boot camps are proving to be of major help to these struggling boys and girls. The most important thing that you can do as the parent is decide which type of program, facility, or organization is best suited to deal with the issues facing your teen. Make sure you do your homework before choosing one for your loved child.

How does negative behavior take root in your teen?

Teenage years are the years between childhood and adulthood. You remember those difficult years, right? In this period we found an unknown changing in our body and mind. Your teen, in spite of video games and iPod's, is still a normal teen like we once were, struggling to find their place and how to relate to the world. It can be frightening for them so they band together with other teens to cope. This where the trouble can begin.

When teens have less communication with parents they become a troubled teen because the advice they are getting is coming from sources that feed their base emotional need for acceptance and love. These sources are not always positive. This can set up a confrontation. When the behavior becomes so negative, we try to step in to correct it. But, without the right approach, a thoughtful approach, parent and teen engage in a battle of wills. The end of such battles is usually not a good ending for either side.

Children with abnormal behavior disorders are simply incapable of comprehending the consequences that may occur from an action. They do not think beyond the moment of the action. If you remember your teenage years and some of the "fun" things you did without thinking, you know what I mean. Many times those "fun" things had negative consequences, too, remember?

Knowing the correct intervention can help a child manage their behavior in a positive way when seimilar actions present themselves in the future. So, what is the correct intervention? This will depend on the level of negative behavior your teen exhibits.

Many parents choose to pursue interventions that address the symptoms only. Attacking the symptoms in the wrong way will drive the destructive behaviors underground, only to resurface at a later date. This approach is a waste valuable time and resources and may even make things worse. You should seek out professional advice but do it without your teen. Find out the best techniques available to you before attempting an approach.

10 Rules For Great Fathers

There are a lot of fairly sophisticated parenting techniques and ideas out there that are attracting attention. To be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won't always make you the most popular Dad, but they'll always be effective:

Rule #1 Expect A Great Deal From Your Kids
If your kids know that you expect a lot from them, they'll rise to the occasion. Everything from saying please and thank-you, to efforts in school or on the athletic field, if expectations are made clear in a loving atmosphere your kids will know that you think a lot of them. When they know this, they'll respond.

Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be the Problem When you're convinced that someone in your family is causing the problems and you're blaming them for it, realize that this problem won't get better until you accept that you're making it worse by blaming them. It may briefly feel good to blame, but it never improves anything. Loving and accepting that person will make a positive difference.

Rule #3 Know Your Child's Life IntimatelyGet to know all that you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are, etc. By showing interest, you're showing you love them. By not asking, you show that they're not that important to you.

Rule #4 Say No To Your KidsThere's an awful lot of stuff out there for kids these days...and of course they want to have it all. Kids who get almost everything they want typically don't turn out to be very happy kids. Kids learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification when they are told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but saying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and cooperative kids.

Rule #5 Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn't WorkThere are plenty of studies showing that kids who are spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking your kids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors that you are spanking them for. As a father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?

Rule #6 Treat Your Wife Extremely Well This is where your kids get their most important information about relationships between men and women. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.

Rule #7 Actions Speak Louder Than WordsMany parents spend time threatening their children when their kids aren't cooperating. But if you don't follow through on the consequences, you can threaten till the cows come home. Your children will learn to ignore the threats. They'll understand action. If certain privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation, they'll learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best to align the consequences with the action. ( If you don't clean your room in time, you won't have time for stories before bed.)

Rule #8 Really Listen to Your KidsDon't just hear their words, but learn to understand the meaning behind what they say as well. I'm picking my own clothes! might mean that your child wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect back what your child says to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you absolutely must listen to her/him.

Rule #9 Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow Older When your kids are very young, maybe they just help make their beds in the morning and keep their rooms clean. As they get older, add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family works.everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it when they're young it's more likely they'll do it when they're older. Don't reward them for things that should be expected of them.

Rule #10 Tell Your Kids They're Great All the Time It is especially important to tell them this when they're not at their best. It's easy to tell them when things are going well. Make it a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about them. This will be more meaningful than generalized praise.

10 Mistakes Parents Make

No one said that being a parent was going to be easy. There is no full proof manual that comes along when the baby is born. I myself am still learning as I travel along this journey as a parent of three young boys.

Here is a summary of tips that I gathered from reading many different parenting books.

As a parent you should not :

[1]Give into guilt by taking upon the mistakes of the children as your own. It is okay if children make mistakes. It is only bad if they do not learn from it. It is not possible for your child not to make mistakes or be infallible as you personally are not.

[2]Striving for Perfectionism. Stop!! Don't do that you are not bringing up robots. If all your kids problems/battles are being solved by you catering to their every need they will not be able to adapt to the real world and the how to be independent and face their own battles. They will not know/learn the techniques/skills needed for survival. By aiming for perfectionism you are only placing additional unwanted stress on your child and they may resent you for it.

[3]Being Overindulgent. Do not be afraid to deprive your kids. Sometimes they have too much of a good thing to learn how to appreciate it properly. If they have everything they desired they will not know the value of ownership and how to cherish and take care of their own belongings.

[4]Failing to admit that they as parents foul up sometimes. Do admit your mistakes to you child if you commit any. It will only help to strengthen your relationship . Your child will give you plenty of changes to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to do better.

Problems and errors are inevitable; how we handle them is up to us. We can be critical of ourselves or our children, or we can see our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.

[5]Shutting off the child. Irregardless of what tactic you try in an attempt to guide your child, make sure that you also keep the lines of communication open, be as perceptive as you can, and then trust your intuition about what's best for your son or daughter. You may be driving your child into a corner and into desperation if you do so and they may take drastic actions which you may regret bitterly afterward.

[6]Punishment will change all bad behavior. This is not true. It is only a temporary stop gap measure which does not eliminate the particular unwanted behavior. It may even reinforce other undesirable behaviors in your child. Your yelling or hitting your child as punishment will only result in him acting out the same behavior on others or even you in the future? Do you wish your child to behave so aggressively towards you like you were towards him?

[7]Constantly nag at your child. It will only cause them to turn a deaf ear and make you more frustrated with them. 50 time - " I told you to put your clothes into the laundry hamper" does not equate to the child doing what you wish him to do. I'm sure you hated when your spouse or parent nagged at you to do things which you didn't find the need or didn't want to.

[8]Believe that by explaining to your child why a behavior is wrong he would automatically stop it and not commit the same mistake again. Explanation without modeling the correct behavior is useless. It will be the same as sitting through a boring science lecture which you have no interest in. You will still commit the same mistake as you haven't learn the theory and done the practice associated with it.

[9]Having the belief that praising a child too much is bad for him. This is a very ancient way (dictatorship) of parenting. If your praise is misguided or poorly delivered yes, it may not be effective. Be specific in how your praise your child. Praise him for a particular action IE: Playing nicely for 20 minutes with his brother instead of saying " You are being a good boy today ".

[10]Thinking that all children can fit into the same mold. Each child develops and matures at a different rate. Every one of them have their own strengths and weaknesses. It would be unfair to them to compare their development with their siblings and peers. Instead a better way would be to work on developing their strengths and help them how to overcome their weaknesses.

Are you guilty as a parent of committing any of these mistakes?

How to Encourage Children to Read

Many studies have been carried out that look at the effects of parental involvement in their children's reading development. Results have shown that this factor is a significant and beneficial contributor to the child's reading progress in primary and secondary schools. The evidence is that young children whose parents read to them have better language development and enjoy an advantage during primary school over those children whose parents do not. Parents can set the scene for their child's involvement with books and enjoyment of reading in many ways. One of the most powerful ways of teaching a youngster to read is for parents to read themselves. Children learn by observation and imitation and as parents are the most important people in their world, seeing their mother and father get pleasure from reading books will make a strong impression on the child's mind. Another way of preparing a child for reading is to ensure he or she has a book-rich environment where books, magazines and newspapers can be seen and handled. Being able to physically interact with books is important to the child's learning process.

Book readiness should begin when the child is very young although it is never too late to start. Parents can make visits to local bookshops and libraries a favourite treat so that books become associated with pleasure in the child's mind. Enthusiasm and anticipation when preparing to go out to buy or borrow a book will indicate to the child that this is a fun activity that he or she can look forward to.

Parents can involve the child in the process of choosing a book. Some children find non-fiction books about animals and cars etc. more entertaining than fiction and they should be allowed to follow their preference if it leads to a happier reading experience. Also, many children enjoy comics where they can follow the story by looking at the pictures. Children love looking at pictures and drawings. Most books for young children contain colourful illustrations which will attract children to look inside the covers.

Many libraries have story corners where an adult - sometimes even well-known authors - read books to the children. These can be great fun if the reader is a competent storyteller and can bring the stories alive.

Reading should be presented as a normal, satisfying and important part of family life and this will go a long way to ensuring that children view reading as a pleasurable activity.

HELPING TEENAGERS SOLVE BEHAVORIAL PROBLEMS

When a child becomes a teenager, it will leave you as a parent feeling just as confused as they are. Usually there are major changes and some can be very hard to live with. A child is developing into an adult, and behavioral problems in teenagers begin. Here are a few tips to help you make it through this difficult time and be able to handle your teenager better.

The first thing you need to remember when you have behavioral problems in teenagers is that their hormones are changing at a faster pace than their body can keep up with. In most cases it is actually a physical problem mixed with emotional issues. The hormones are raging at this point in a person's life and there are changes going on that are purely physical. Keeping this in mind, you should make sure that all of the physical aspects of your child's life are being put in place. You want to make sure that the teen is eating properly and getting enough sleep and rest. These are the basics of life and if they are not supplied the hormones will react quite severely.

When you have behavioral problems in teenagers try to make sure they are getting enough nutrition. This is a time when a good adult multivitamin should be introduced to their diet, and you must make sure that they are drinking enough milk or having enough milk products to satisfy their calcium and magnesium levels. If their calcium and magnesium levels are down they will experience nerve problems and be more jumpy and irritable. By taking these steps you should see a major improvement in your teenager's behavior problems.

When you are handling behavioral problems in teenagers you must keep in mind that it is quite often a slow process to get anything handled. You are battling a physical as well as an emotional element, and patience must be at an all time high level. You need to be able to get through this time without hurting yourself or your child too badly by saying things that you don't really want to say. Try to keep it as calm and gentle as you can, and use as much patience as you can. If you need to find out more about behavioral problems in teenagers and some effective solutions to handling tough issues, then you should go to web and see how it can help you. There are answers that can help you get through this.

If you want further information about how to deal with a teenager and to really connect with him so that you can not only correct the misbehavior but build a relationship as well you should got to http://bestsmartparentingtips.com for more answers.

Things Good Parents Do: Parentconsensus Blog: Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

Things Good Parents Do: Parentconsensus Blog: Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way

Although everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and the uninvolved.

Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.

Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.

Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.

Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children's needs and problems and are sensitive to their children's emotions and feelings.

In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

Teaching Children Respect in a Disrespectful World

Teaching children respect is very important. As a child grows older they will form many opinions about those around them and without proper teaching they will be disrespectful. Here are 7 things to consider when teaching respect.
1. Parents shape behavior. Children first learn from their parents and will follow their parent's examples. We must all evaluate the respect we show others particularly when we consider that our children are now watching us.
2. Start early. Start teaching your children respect as early as possible. The tone in your voice when you speak to your children and when you speak to your spouse must always be monitored.
3. How does your child treat others? Have your children treat their siblings and other children with respect. Try not to allow name calling, yelling and hitting. When your child does misbehave explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable and explain proper behavior.
4. Question authority? In the 1960's "Question Authority" buttons were popular. Now some people who wore those buttons may have a hard time teaching their children to be respectful towards authority figures. Teachers, parents, police etc are all in positions of authority and often times for a child it is not their place to question those in authority.
5. Being fair. You may be a parent who suffered from inequality as a child and therefore are trying to compensate in some way with your own children. This can quite easily lead to demanding and greedy children. You cannot always be fair but you can try very hard to be just.
6. 5th Commandment. "Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land." In the earlier commandments we are instructed to love the Lord and our neighbors but for our parents we are told to honor them. The Lord even makes a deal with us, in exchange for this respect...we will have a long life.
7. Respect and manners. You will be surprised at how much more respectful your children are if you also try to teach your children good manners. Well mannered children are respectful children.
Teaching children respect is so worth the effort. Think of how you feel when you are around respectful children. For me they are a joy. Sometimes my children are part of this throng and I feel momentarily like I am enjoying success.

How You Can Help Your Children Form Their Own Identity

Children develop their identity by learning to know what they like about their environment, their way of dressing, their way of relating to others and the world. In order for children to develop an identity of their own, parents, the children’s earliest programmers, must sponsor this development of identity by being aware of your child’s actions and behaviors, and what those tell you about him/her.
For example if your child has a cluttered room, and has to save everything, you probably have a sentimental child that doesn’t like to part with things. If you cleaned your child’s room and threw away "the junk" that they had too much of, you might be ignoring who your child is as a person.
Children, not unlike adults, show their identity in many ways
They show it through their pictures in their room, through the friends they like to associate with, through their dress, food choices, activity choices etc. They are giving us the clues about who they are, as well as taking from us certain things they admire, and incorporating those into their identity. Many parents, due to a lack of awareness, forget to ask children important questions that can give clues to their child’s belief system, and value system, and really help them to sponsor a healthy sense of self in their child.
For example, Miriam didn’t like her daughter’s taste in clothing, because it was different than hers, and she wasn’t taught in her family to have her own identity. Every holiday she would buy her daughter what she liked, and the daughter wouldn’t wear it. Mom would be disappointed and her daughter felt guilty. Leigh, the child, read magazines that mom disapproved of. Mom would get angry that her daughter was reading the magazine. However Mom never thought to ask her daughter what she liked about the magazine. That would give a clue as to why she was reading it, Mom simply didn’t know to do this.
I asked my son the other day what he liked so much about sports, and got such clues to his personality. It was great. He liked the teamwork, the goal setting, the movement, the success. This not only tells you about sports, it tells you about the child. Emotional awareness is becoming aware of who your child is, and offering them support in growing that self into a very well formed identity that will offer them the ability to make positive choices and decisions in their lives.
To sponsor this healthy identity you need to:
Be aware of your child’s actions and behaviors and what that tells you about them.
Ask questions about why they chose a topic, or picked an outfit, or read a certain book or magazine. Ask objectively without judgment.
Give them choices about activities they would like to participate in.
Offer them food and clothes choices, within reason of course.
Compliment them on their personal style.
Listen to their ideas openly, and don’t force your ideas on them.
Offer them suggestions, without controlling their ideas and behaviors.
Make sure you know your identity, and have the confidence to let your child have theirs without criticism and judgment.
Create activities that help them identify who they are. Recently my daughters made collages. They cut out pictures of everything that symbolized them, and then reviewed each others. Then they personalized it even more and hung them over their bed.
Have them create a family party .or one with some friends. Ask them to plan it and design what they want. What kind of food, music atmosphere would they like?

The healthy identity of a child is their key to knowing and seeking what they want in life.

[written by one of my favorite authoress "Sally Sacks." She is the author of
the book: "How to raise the next President".You can reach her through
her website: www.sallysacks.com]

Teenagers & Sex - Should You Talk About It And How

Teenagers and sex is one issue all parents have to face sooner or later. But when is the right time to raise the subject of teenagers and sex and who should do it. If you’re beginning to have concerns about your teenager and sex, here are a few pointers.
Teenagers & Sex – is Your Teen Thinking About Sex
Many of us prefer to pretend our teens are not thinking about sex, but you were a teen once yourself, and at what age did you become interested in sex?
The same questions, fascinations, fantasies and myths that you experienced, you can be sure your teen is going through the same thing.
Whether your teen is sexually active or just thinking about it, sex should not be a taboo subject in your home but something your teen can come to you and talk about if he or she needs honest advice. What is the Right Age to Talk about Sex?
There is no right age to talk about sex.
The subject of sex should be something of an ongoing conversation and if you child is old enough to ask, then generally they are old enough to know.
This does not mean you have a sexually explicit conversation with your three year old about where babies come from, it means you answer the question on his or her level of understanding knowing that as time progresses you can expand on the details as is appropriate.
When it comes to teenagers and sex there is the question of how much do they know and how much do they need to know versus what you want them to know.
In reality, there are just too many places for your teen to get information about sex including the misguided and often incorrect revelations they will pick up from their friends.
So ask yourself the question.
Would you rather your teen thinking they are unable to become pregnant on their first sexual experience, or would you prefer to make talking about teenagers and sex something that is natural for both you and your teen?
Teenagers & Sex – Things to Discuss with your Teen
The subject of teenagers and sex can be equally embarrassing for teen and parent, but it doesn’t have to be so.
The main thing is to not make a big issue of it and make it a topic that your teen feels comfortable discussing with you.
Teenagers and Sex – Things You Should Talk to Your Teen About
• Everybody’s Having Sex Except Me.
Teenage boys and girls often feel under pressure to become sexually active because they believe their friends are.
Talk to your teenager about the intimacy of a sexual relationship and the importance of sharing it with someone special, especially the first time.
• Alcohol and Drugs
Warn your teens about the dangers of alcohol and drugs. Make them aware that if they are under the influence of either it will affect their ability to think clearly making it easier for people to force them into comprising situations.
• Unprotected Sex
Make sure your teen is clear that the only guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy or getting a sexually transmitted disease is abstinence.
Impress upon your teen the importance of practicing safe sex and the need to always make use of a condom.
Your teen needs to know that having unprotected sex just once can lead to pregnancy, genital herpes, genital warts, HIV and AIDS none of which can be cured.
• What Constitutes ‘Real Sex’
Ensure that your teen knows that oral sex and anal sex is real sex and subject to the same risks as penetrative sex.
Teenagers & Sex – Talking About it and How
Teenagers and sex is not a subject you should seek to avoid but one you should discuss with your teenager and be relieved that they feel able to come to you and talk about it.
Do all you can to continually improve your teens confidence and raise their self esteem as this will be the best defense in their ability to not give in to peer pressure.
Equip your teenager with the correct information. This will empower them making it impossible for others to try an undermine them.
Your teen will have their own opinions on teenagers and sex and with the right guidance from you no one will be able to force them to become sexually active before they are ready to do so.

UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Teenage and the ensuring transition into adulthood is perhaps the most important time for we parents to extend our guidiance,support,and understandig to our children.As children grow older,their perceptions get more concretized and they handle issues and choices that which influences their futurewith strong grips.Fighting out almost everything with their parents.It becomes very difficult for our children,at this time to understand our roles as parents.
WHAT TEENAGERS(13 AND ABOVE)NEED FROM ADULTS
1-Teenagers really need our support and unconditional love.They also need to be challenged. Such opportunity help them to grow and channeled thir abundance enegy in the right direction.
2-Parents need to guide their teenage children in decision-making.Even though teenagers yearn for independence and even sometimes act as if they know it all,they are not fully mature.Rather than tell them what to do,help them to clarify their thoughts and feelings so they can make informed decisions.
3-Let the parent-child bond develop into a sacred frienship that will make them always enjoy comoing to you as a true friend instead of going out there to be mis-informed.
4-Give room for the wealth of experiences from the members of the extended family,and the spiritual community to help guide the teenagers.
5-Create a free climate,where teenagers feel free to share their thoughts,feelings and and actions to adults guides.This help to protect our children from developing a 'secret life',which can make us to lose them!
EXPECTATIONS:
1-Encourage teens to freely express their devotion to the divine.
2-Freedom should be directly linked to the demestration of self-discipline and responsi- bility.
3-Teenagers need to be taught sex-education.They need a sufficient understanding and cultural support inthis area.Help them make responsible choices as they mature.
4-Show teenagers respect and,in turn,encourage them to value the practical wisdom of adults.

How Children Learn

Nurture and Teach
The single most important thing caregivers can do for a child is provide a nurturing environment. By doing this, we influence children’s brain development and their ability to learn. Introducing nurtured children to learning opportunities every day will help them become happy, well-adjusted adults. In all stages of child development, each experience builds on the one before it. The most basic foundations can serve as the basis for the comprehension of more complex ideas in future years.
Learning Begins at Birth
We are born with billions of brain cells – in fact, all we will ever have. What is missing is a large amount of connections – synapses – between those brain cells. Synapses start developing based on a child’s experiences. Children’s brains develop faster from birth to age three than any other time; and more learning takes place during this time than any other. The more learning opportunities parents provide for their children from birth until school age, the more synapses are made. The connections will serve as a pool of knowledge for a child to access in later years.
Because children’s earliest experiences affect how they will think, learn and behave, helping children learn from birth to school age is a crucial activity. Parents and other caregivers can create a strong foundation for learning by providing a nurturing and rich learning environment from the very beginning.
Children Seek Learning Experiences
Not only do children need to be physically active, it is their nature to look for opportunities to learn. They participate in learning by using their senses and asking countless questions in order to more fully understand the task at hand.
Creating a Learning Environment
Children enjoy learning when they can master an activity. Begin with a simple task and expand or complicate it after your child has enjoyed some successes.
Create a safe and secure learning environment. This will help children do their best learning rather than distract them. Key to creating this environment is treating your child with respect and caring.
Where Do Children Learn?
Children learn everywhere from school to the doctor’s office to the grocery store. As do adults, children learn from interacting with others and watching their parents’ behavior. Kids are highly influenced by the people in their lives, especially adults who they are close to.
Not All Children Learn in the Same Way
In the book Frame of Mind, Howard Gardner described his theory of multiple intelligences. We all have a certain way we prefer to learn. The seven multiple intelligences Gardner points to are interpersonal, intrapersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, logical-mathematical and linguistic. We have the most success teaching our children when we can recognize their style of learning (as well as our style of teaching) and incorporate activities accordingly.
Playing and Learning
The main way children collect and process information is through play. Play is the repetition that reinforces old skills and encourages new ones. Because play is enjoyable, children’s minds are open. Children are capable of much learning through play because they are very receptive and relaxed. Take advantage of this benefit and select activities that are fun and educational. Your children will learn, and you will both enjoy the experience.

Children And TV

I must say all children grew up watching TV, myself included. It's a utility which everyone cannot live without. It has been for generations and yet TV easily emerges as a indispensable form of entertainment. Of cause, the Internet is fast catching up. Let us look at the positive effects and the negative effects of TV and how it can benefit or affect our children.
Benefits:

• The children can be exposed to positive content and be enriched with programs such as documentaries, educational variety shows and cartoons. Hey, I grew up watching Sesame Street, Discovery Channel and Transformers!

• Spending quality time together. Well, I remembered the days when my parents would watch the telly with me, and we will have endless laughter together. And I being the curious child, never fail to ask endless streams of questions. The bonding with the child will no doubt be better.
Drawbacks:
• Couch potato syndrome. Addiction to TV may cause the child to be withdrawn from the rest of the world, excessive eating while viewing programs can cause obesity problems.

• Emotional development. A child really needs to do more things than just watching TV. He needs constant interaction with the outside world and other kids. It is part and parcel of his development and bear that in mind, there is no substitute to that.

• Eyesight problems. Increasingly, many children these days are getting myopic. It's hard to deny that TV isn't one of the contributing factors.

• Violence. As we all know, children love to imitate. The imitations can range from wanting to fly like superman, acting like John Rambo and giving an uppercut like a Thai kick boxer. I was in that stage once, so I know. It's a fact and we have many case studies of violence by teens in recent years.

• Proper use of language. There was one point of time, the local sitcom Phua Chu Kang got so popular that children start using phrases like "Don't pray pray", and "I look you no up". It got into such frenzy that we had a Speak Good English Campaign, remember?

Of cause, it is about weighing the pros and cons. Some suggested methods include: 1. Limiting the viewing hours for your child. I was limited to 30mins a day during my time, but that was ages ago. I believe parents can do their estimation with their kids. 2. Allow selective viewing of TV programs. Family orientated sitcoms, cartoons and educational programs definitely. More exertion of control regarding programs rating PG. 3. Ban eating while watching TV. I was inculcated with this habit. My mum always say eat only when you are at the dining table, not in front of the TV. I thought that was pretty useful. 4. View TV shows with your kids. In addition, try not to let them have the luxury of a TV in their bedroom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D64CRnVNkZ0
Justine Lee contributes to articles as part of the committee of a parenting website founded in Singapore. She writes for http://www.mylittlesunshine.sg/ on a regular basis and likes to share her parenting experiences with other online readers. She is happily married to her husband Jason and have a boy who is eight years old.

HELPING A CHILD TO STOP LYING

Children under the age of 6 often tell lies.They find it difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy.Lying to them at this age may be seen as fun,or a way to deceive adults.When they get away without being caught,they feel very happy,and it may easily become apart of them to lie.
As they grow,this may become a problem in the child's life.
Parents needs to find out a way of putting a stop to this.

Why do Children lie?

• TO SEEK ATTENTION
• NEED HELP
• AVOIDING STRESSFUL SITUATION
• FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING THEIR PARENTS
• IMITATING ADULTS AROUND THEM

HELP FOR A LYING CHILD

When a child is always caught lying:He is fond of exaggerating,or he is always fond of distorting the truth in one way or the other.just as highlighted above,they do that for so many reasons.

.TO GAIN ATTENTION:Children sometimes lie to gain attention.When they feel unloved they tend to tell lies to gain the attention of their listeners.They have learnt over the time that when they distort the truth they get some attention;this sometimes compensate for their feelings of inadequacies.

AVOIDING STRESSFUL SITUATION:Sometimes children lie to avoid the consequences that they believe will happen when they do something wrong,or to avoid being reprimanded.They lie to get out of trouble.

TO DODGE RESPONSIBILITY:Some children lie to avoid tasks.They may lie about their homework.They tell parents it's done in order to,may be watch television,play games,or do any other pleasurable thing to them.They don't like being caught when they misbehave,so they lie as a way of escape.

Lying can make children do many other bad things,like stealing,diobedient.e.t.c.

Parents and caregivers need to carefully study their children,and find out why they lie.When this is done,the close thing is to help them get out of it.

WAY OUT!

• Don't accept excuse for lying.let them know point blank that LYING is not acceptable.
• Logical consequences need to be in place for a child caught lying.
• Be a good example and model to them,avoid little white lies.
• Teach children to value telling the truth at all time,no matter what the consequence may be.
• Show your disappointment when they lie.Also show them you love them,but you hate their habit of lying.
• Sing their praise whenever they say the truth!
• Let them know you CARE.

Parents need to be a bit patient with them at this point,knowing fully well that 'Rome was not built in a day!'.It may take a little time for them to unlearn the lying habit.Be understanding,and ready to go miles helping them.

You should avoid taking irrational decision when they lie.No need for a long sermon,but with love,patience,and understanding Correct them!